The Stress Situation.

Sounds simple. Eat well. Sleep well. Most of us know this. Many don’t do this—and then complain about being stressed.

Not everyone is complaining about stress. CNN’s Harry Enten reported on 7/16/22 that, although 77% of respondents think the country is going in the wrong direction, 73% said they actually experienced “a lot of happiness yesterday.”

Still, The American Institute of Stress wants us to know that the “global pandemic, inflation, money issues and the war in Ukraine have pushed U.S. stress to alarming levels.” And then there are the everyday issues and challenges likely made even harder in the context of all of that other stress.

The American Institute of Stress reports “94% of workers reporting feeling stress at work.” Since this is a 2022 report, I am not sure what “at work” means exactly, or whether they meant to say “about work” instead.

So, for example, one client wants to scale his business. His method is harder not smarter, as he goes all day without food, “no time to eat,” and then works like a dog on his home office computer smack up until he tries to go to sleep but can’t.

Another just lost a family member. She has what they call “Grief Brain” and can’t seem to focus on any of her work/life goals anymore because the normal grieving and healing process impacts concentration and cognition, making it hard to focus on anything other than her grief. Knowing that this is normal should help her.

But guess what she’s been doing up to this point in an effort to help herself. She has been self-medicating with a Schedule 1 substance that is completely messing up the food and sleep that could help nourish her back to health. She has lost weight, is not sleeping, and wondering if and when she will ever feel well again. Not like that she won’t, so we are going to turn that around.

If you happen to be curious about how stressed you might be, you can go here and take the Rosch Stress Profiler or Stress Mastery Questionnaire to stress test yourself. In any case, you get the idea—people faced with ordinary life challenges in a world of relentless uncertainty—are trying to get through the day in the best ways they know how.

And I just found some data on food that I think could help.

Science Backed Stress Remedies

One study showed how much food impacts mood. That is, people who ate more nutrient poor savoury snacks (crisps) tended to be more anxious and have more cognitive failures (e.g., forgetting), which then made them more anxious.

Fruit, on the other hand, not how much but how often we ate fruit, seemed to correlate well lower depression and higher mental well-being scores. Interestingly, the benefits were not as true for vegetables, which showed no direct link with psychological health. The thinking here is that the benefits to psychological health of the veggies might have gotten cooked out of the equation, since more vegetables than fruit are eaten cooked.

Bear in mind that poor eating disrupts sleep—and vice versa—so it’s important to take care of both. Here and here are a couple of posts I wrote myself with some science on sleep. And there is so much on the internet about how to eat and sleep, no need to unpack that any further for now. But here’s my take.

My Own Take on Stress

Clearly, we are not all alike. Some of us need more or less sleep than others, and there are many nourishing foods from which to choose, depending on our needs and preferences over time. That said, what does not change, and I believe is true for all, is that our bodies are an instrument for our use, in our service to self and others, and it is our right and responsibility to treat it and keep it well. So, I would like to finish this up with something from an earlier post, “Utopia or Dystopia: Depends on Who’s In Charge”:

Once I attended an interfaith meeting at Harvard. The Hindu Swami gave a fantastic talk about how sometimes we have to show ourselves that we are in charge. So, for example, if you can’t imagine starting your day without coffee, take a week off, just to show the body or the coffee who’s in charge.

Maybe it’s savoury crisps. Maybe it’s simply too much of something good for you but, again, just too much. Let’s see who’s the boss in charge of our well-being during these extraordinarily stressful times. Practice, practice, practice…and let us know what you find.

Warmly,

Madelaine

Photo by Pexels Sveta Glodan

Lying About Eating

How funny, I thought. LOL. Everyone lying about eating. And refreshing too, just to keep it light for a change—if you will pardon the pun, because this study is about eating and weight.

Or is it? On second thought, maybe this study is really about lying. Reminds me of those SAT reading comprehension questions on what the passage was really about.

In this case, however, we do not have to choose only one, so let’s address both: 1) lying about eating, and 2) lying altogether, because lying, in general, is a pretty troubling issue right now.

University of Essex researchers found that all 221 participants, whether thin or obese, lied about how much they ate.

Why this matters, according to the authors of the study, is that Britain’s health guidelines are based on the notion that people are obese because they lie about how much they eat.

Now it seems from this study that everybody is lying, including thin people, so they will have to focus on something else, e.g., risk factors related to high-energy density foods.

The authors add that there are better ways to measure energy intake, using radioactive water and urine testing, than the self-report measures we now know can be full of lies.

Why People Lie

Consider this from Yudhijit Bhattacharjee, National Geographic:

Lying, it turns out, is something that most of us are very adept at. We lie with ease, in ways big and small, to strangers, co-workers, friends, and loved ones….Being deceitful is woven into our very fabric, so much so that it would be truthful to say that to lie is human.

This makes me sad, and here is why from an earlier post I wrote on “The Truth About Lying”:

My daddy always said, “Honesty is the best policy.” I believed him, have lived my life accordingly, and been proud of it. Now we hear that everybody’s doin’ it, even those of us who say we’re not. One study found that 92%  of people who said they didn’t lie admitted they had when asked if they had lied in the past week. 

I’m sorry, to the best of my knowledge, I still don’t think I do. I did swear to god about something important once and later on changed my mind. But I meant what I said when I said it, so I don’t think it counts as a lie.

Open to the idea that I am lying to myself about lying somehow, I took a test to determine what kind of liar I am, only in none of the sample situations would I have ever resorted to lying in the first place, not at all necessary, other skills to use, if we can even consider lying a skill.

Researchers actually do. They consider it part of emotional and intellectual development when a child learns how to lie:

From about age 4 on, children lie for many of the same reasons adults do: to avoid punishment, to gain an advantage, to protect against an unwanted consequence, and even to boost self-esteem….to demonstrate power, to maintain privacy, or to protect a friend…. recent research has shown that lying plays a positive role in normal development. Essential human skills— independence, perspective taking, and emotional control—are the same skills that enable children to lie. 

Most kids eventually learn that others may stop giving them what they want, or want to be with them at all, if they tell so many lies that lying goes from something they do to something they are.

So, they develop other kinds of skills, conflict resolution and negotiation skills.

And then there are those who just get better and better at lying.

Unfortunately, the more we lie, the easier it gets for the brain (amygdala), then the more we lie and there goes any trust that might have been possible had we found another way. 

Ways to Deal With Lying

If you find yourself in frequent contact with someone whose primary life strategy is lying, rather than lose your sanity, you can run for the hills. (Or turn off the TV.) 

Lying is a form of gaslighting and can be very bad for your health.

But it is not always possible to run for the hills, and not always necessary either.

Just the other day, someone lied in contradicting emails to put herself in a better light at my expense, I thought.

As I have posted before, a favorite question I like to ask myself when things get sticky is this: “Is there something to be done here?”  

In this case, I decided there was not, not with her anyway, because that would bring me closer to energy better to avoid. 

Create the world you want to live in, the other thing I always love to say. For me, that world has more truth than its opposite in it, to whatever extent I can help it.

And, if and when we may feel tempted to ever lie ourselves, we can take a deep breath and ask if, in that circumstance and with that person, lying really is our best and only shot. 

Practice, Practice, Practice…truth mixed with kindness, and see what happens. True, kind, necessary, beneficial as the Buddhists would say.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine

Photo by pexels-tioroshi-lazaro

Just because some thought in the head says “I want to eat” after you already did—doesn’t mean you have to do what it says.

Who is The Decider?

You are an adult now. Of course you take suggestions under consideration, but then you are, or should be, the decider of what’s true and right and best for you.

Exercising more, eating less and better, are popular New Year’s Resolutions. And people really are onto something here because everything is connected to everything else.

When I ask my clients what one thing they think will most affect everything else in their lives, they very often say “my health,” even more often than “love” or “work” or “money” because they get how much their health and well-being can affect all of those.

Now in my own case, I want you to know that we are talking about 3 pounds, the same 3 pounds that showed up in the resolutions from 2019, 2018…just like 64% of resolution makers who keep showing up with the same resolutions year after year. The same 3 pounds that capture my attention every day too.

The reasons for this are well known and obvious to me, and probably not that interesting and important to you.

What Can We Do?

What I do believe is more important to you is that, when the same something keeps showing up year after year and day after day, there is something we can do to make the obsessive thing leave us alone.

How about if, every time the unhelpful thought occurs, we simply remind it and ourselves that it is not the boss of us.

It is no more than an irrational eruption of the mind that, in many cases, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with food.

I am doing this as we speak. Would love it if you try it too, and let us know in the comments below what happened for you.

And if you don’t already have it, grab the “Power Breathing” exercise on “Complimentary Exercises” pulldown at madelaineweiss.com This should help!

Love to all,

Madelaine

Whether it be for the environment, one’s health, or other important causes, convincing people to adopt new or uncommon behaviors can be difficult. One reason is that societal norms powerfully reinforce the status quo….

Other people are, of course, a big part of what leads us to overturn a status quo. But the researchers found an interesting twist. So, for example, it was not only being told that some other people are trying to eat less meat these days that influenced participants to eat less meat themselves. Participants ate even less meat themselves if they were told that it’s because other people are changing that they are eating less meat.

That people are changing makes it sound like eating less meat could morph naturally into a norm and, if you don’t fit in with that, then where will you be. Left out, left behind or “counternormative”* as the reference suggests.

Okay, so we like to think we are special. Introverts** I know are great examples of people who may be more comfortable on the edges but don’t exactly want to feel left out. None of us wants to feel so far out that we don’t matter to anyone anymore. Back in the day, many thousands of years ago when our social brains were formed, in what we call the environment of evolutionary adaptation, too far out socially meant no food, no care…we died.

This is why we may feel bad when we don’t get invited to that party or meeting that we didn’t even want to go to. Hardwiring. Alarm goes off when we begin to feel socially left out. Wait. We can use this!

All we have to do is surround ourselves with enough people who live and breathe the ‘me’ we want to be that it feels normal enough to be whatever that is. Affinity grouping. Back to the meat, why not surround oneself with people who for environmental, health, or other reasons also want to eat less meat. Unless you happen to want to eat meat. Then that sense of normalcy and belonging would be provided by eating with some people who also eat meat.

Or the gym. Or spending habits. Or environmental foot-printing. Want to – on purpose – overturn your own status quo. Embed with others who already have. People are everywhere. Meetups. Community or professional organizations… Go where the norm is, or is becoming, the norm you want to be. Opportunities abound. Practice, Practice, Practice…and See What Happens.

For help with this or something else, or to let me know what you think, Contact Me at:

Email:  Madelaine Weiss

Phone:   202-617-0821

* “Change behaviors by changing perception of normal” October 6, 2017    https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-10-behaviors-perception.html. Citing Gregg Sparkman et al. “Dynamic Norms Promote Sustainable Behavior, Even if It Is Counternormative,” Psychological Science (2017). DOI: 10.1177/0956797617719950  Provided by Stanford University.

** Examples and illustrations are fictional composites inspired by but not depicting nor referring to any actual specific person in my practice or life experience.

Copyright © 2017. Madelaine Claire Weiss. All rights reserved.

Newsflash: Emotional Eating is NOT self-destructive. It is a legitimate form of self-care. And it is inevitable because, like it or not, we humans are inevitably emotional creatures. So whether you are eating to celebrate your joy or cope with your sorrow, whether you are eating to spice up your life or numb it out, or eating just because you like it and it feels good – feeling good is emotional so eating for pleasure is emotional too. In other words, all eating is emotional eating. That said, the mindless intake of food is not emotional and it’s not eating either. It is feeding – and feeding isn’t eating any more than taking nourishment through a nasogastric tube would be considered eating. Enter Mindful Emotional Eating: JumpStart to Effectiveness.

Based on the work of Pavel G. Somov, PhD, in this 4-session (1hr/session) program you will learn, interactively with me, how to turn food battles into food peace (and joy) for the rest of your life. Doesn’t have to be a struggle. Practice, practice, practice with me right from your home or office (by Hipaa compliant secure videoconference) and see what happens. Let’s get started. Contact me for details at madelaineweiss.com or 202.617.0821. Would love to hear from you!

Copyright © 2017. Madelaine Claire Weiss. All rights reserved.

“Even though [the more mindful] participants were more likely to give in to some desires without guilt, they were also able to discern whether their desire was in conflict with a larger goal they had….If giving into the desire threatened that goal, they had self-restraint. In other words, when it really mattered to them, they could keep their eye on the prize and not give into the lure of instant gratification.

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally,” according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, Founder Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. The study here found that people in this sharpened state of awareness were more likely to indulge their desires, and without later guilt and remorse. It is as if, in this mindful state, just thinking about it “You can literally taste that bit of chocolate…whatever it is that you jones for.”* But wait, isn’t mindfulness supposed to put the executive brain in better control of setting goals and the discipline we need to reach those goals. Yes indeed, and that is exactly what the researchers found, i.e., that when it mattered participants who were mindful could exercise the self-restraint to forego the immediate pleasure for a greater good down the line.

What’s so great about this study is the permission it gives to actually enjoy ourselves, particular around this time of year when there is so much joy to be had. Well yes, for some more than others, there is sorrow in the mix too, but sorrow needn’t completely wipe out all joy unless we make that so. No matter what is going on in anyone’s life, somewhere in there is a simple joy to be had. Look around. Fill the senses. So much to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste…ah yes, taste, let’s talk about taste.

The premise of Mindful Emotional Eating is that All Eating is Emotional Eating because all eating feels good – even if it’s ‘good for us’ eating that makes us feel good about ourselves for eating good. And it’s not like we can ever do without eating altogether, let’s say like smoking. So, if we have to eat we may as well enjoy it in ways that do us more good than harm, which requires that we not feel bad about it because post eating guilt and shame tend to make people say ‘what the hell’ and binge eat even more. Reminds me of the gelato cone I had after piloting my 4-session program on Mindful Emotional Eating (MEE): Jumpstart to Effectiveness. Cone to mouth I stopped myself, turned to my friend and said, “Look, I have to concentrate on this gelato now because if I don’t it’ll be all gone before I can even know that I enjoyed it – and really otherwise what’s the point of eating it at all.” Another woman I know** who took the program reported more pleasure, less guilt, and less weight on the bones. To be clear, the goal of mindful emotional eating is food peace and pleasure, not weight loss per se because dieting is said to be a kind of deprivation that is the surest way to gain weight. But as we begin to eat more mindfully, we may experience greater satisfaction on less food so weight loss can naturally occur. That said…

Take control. Take back your joy. Use your sense(s). Actually look at your food before you put it in your mouth. Taste it before you swallow. Pay attention. Put your mind where your mouth is. Pause between one bite and another, so you even know you took a bite and enjoyed it. And, of course, allow yourself to stop, knowing that another eating event is coming soon – and that it will be good. Practice, practice, practice…and see what happens.

To work on Mindful Emotional Eating: Jumpstart to Effectiveness or something else, would love to hear from you:

Email:  Madelaine Weiss

* “Mindfulness Supports ‘Wise’ Indulgence: A recent study finds that mindfulness may not help us overcome all of our urges, just the ones that count.” Kelle Walsh. November 18, 2016m http://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-supports-wise-indulgence/?utm_content=buffer5a2bb&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

**Examples and illustrations are fictional composites inspired by but not depicting nor referring to any actual specific person in my practice or life experience.

Copyright © 2017. Madelaine Claire Weiss. All rights reserved.

“

Stand Up; Do Something. Yes. Both figuratively, let’s say for post election or other doldrums – and, literally, for each and every one of us and our health. Stand Up; Do Something. Let’s take literally first.

To be clear, actually sitting for too long is no good for us even if we think we are doing something laudable while sitting: working, reading, writing, watching PBS… And, just in case you wondered (I did), lying down for too long is no better – except for during those 7-8 hours of precious and necessary sleep time. The reason is that the 3.8% of all deaths, due to our spending more than 3 hours/day sitting, is at root due to the inactivity of our legs, whether sitting or lying down.

Death due to more than 3 hours sitting? Yikes. I can and do top that regularly. So recently I bought a standing desk below and, although it does everything it is supposed to do, I still prefer to sit.

For one thing, sitting keeps me a better still point for my clients.** I tried a standing video conference with a client once and was fidgeting all over the place. That is, of course, why standing is good, to keep us moving, but not when and where I am meant to be still. And, truth be told, the other reason I prefer to sit is that I prefer to sit. But it’s no good. For one thing, when our “big [leg] muscles are slack…levels of blood sugar and cholesterol rise,” with deleterious effects on our metabolic processes and overall health – diabetes, cancer, heart disease, you name it.

And just in case you are wondering this too (I was), going to the gym does not erase the effects of too much sitting. Yes, it is good to exercise, and lack of exercise contributes also to our deaths. We know this about exercise. But it’s not just how long we move but how often we move as well. So, if we didn’t know before, we do know now that excess sitting is really bad for our health. The trick, however, is to know this when we need it in the moment so we can actually Stand Up; Do Something with those legs. Like what? Here are some tips adapted from the Money Crashers website:

1. Standing desk or exercise ball chair to keep you moving throughout the day.

2. Small drinking cups so you have to get up more often.

3. Get up and move every 15-20 minutes or every hour on the hour for 5-10 minutes or so, walk when you are on the phone, go (walk) somewhere besides your desk for lunch.

4. Walking meetings when possible.

5. TV breaks, walking during commercials or doing something instead of TV altogether, like clean the house. We can also do squats and stuff while watching TV.

6. Doing things the harder, old-fashioned way, like taking the steps instead of the elevator everyday.

Okay, well, that’s a lot of life change all at once. Enter a much more user-friendly approach: The One Degree Shift. We all know how easy it is to make life change resolutions and how hard it is to stick with them. The one degree shift is a paradigm shift on how we approach making change in our lives. The idea is basically, little by little, one baby step at a time. Thanks to our ancestors, we are all wired up to survive and to thrive. We are all wired up for the quest. The bird wants to fly. The tree wants to grow. And so do we. So anytime we find or accomplish some new opportunity or goal, we feel a surge of feel good dopamine that activates our brain’s reward system and energizes us for more. Doesn’t have to be big, one good thing leads to another, one step at a time. And doesn’t matter where you start. So, for example, to overcome the no-good metabolic “chair effect,” any one of steps 1-6 in the tips above, or some other idea of your own, is an excellent place to start.

Which brings us now to Stand Up; Do Something in the figurative sense. If things outside of your own control have gotten you down, stand up, do something, anything, take control however you can. Let’s say it’s election related or something else entirely, what is one small thing, no matter how small that you can do today to get the ball rolling in some constructive way. Some people** I know are taking one small step at a time aimed directly at curing the social injustice they see. “All I can think about now is what I can do,” said one woman whose voice lifted as she declared her intent. Others are taking steps aimed directly at addressing the personal impact of forces outside of their control. As only one example, a perhaps long overdue rethink of where to live and what work to do next. One door closes; another door opens, if we make that so. One step at a time. One thing we can do to motivate us, to move us forward, each and every day. One step at a time over time. Practice, practice, practice…and see what happens.

To work on this or something else, would love to hear from you:

Email:  Madelaine Weiss

* The One Degree Shift, Nissar Ahmed, http://www.careermetis.com/the-one-degree-shift/

**Examples and illustrations are fictional composites inspired by but not depicting nor referring to any actual specific person in my practice or life experience.

Copyright © 2017. Madelaine Claire Weiss. All rights reserved.

“How do you build rapport with a new employer or someone on a first date? It turns out that there may be a simple strategy that’s often overlooked: eat the same food as your companion.”*

Who among us hasn’t heard that food is love and eating together is good for us…mind, body, and soul. So, for example, students in families who eat together are generally less obese, are less prone to drug abuse, are less truant in school, get better grades, and feel closer to parents. But we are not talking about just eating together. Here we are talking about eating the same thing together – just as our ancestors did in the environment of evolutionary adaptation, way back when the big brain, aka The Social Brain, was formed to help us cope with the growing complexity of our social systems. Through food sharing of a single carcass we learned together about cooperation, fairness, and trust over who got what, and how we would resolve our conflicts over who got what. And, there we sat around the fire, eating together, telling stories, bonding in community to keep us safe and warm.

In last week’s post we looked at the human love of landscapes, some would say due to their reminiscence of our early days on the Savannah. Here we see University of Chicago researchers* suggesting a beneficial effect with eating behavior (eating the same thing together), possibly reminiscent of those earlier, formative days as well. That is, study participants eating like-foods reached negotiated agreements quicker than pairs who did not eat like foods, and participants who ate similar foods gave more money to individuals with whom they were paired, contrasted with participants who were paired but ate dissimilar foods.

A story told by one woman I know comes to mind. We will call her Mary.** Mary loved lamb chops. Her mother did not make them too often, both because her mother did not like to cook and because her family did not have the means to buy too many lamb chops too often. Mary grew up remembering her brother as quicker and somehow more entitled to take as many lamb chops as he liked, always getting more. One day, as adults, her brother said, “I remember that you never liked the lamb chops so there was always more for me.” Mary was stunned to learn, not only how wrong they had both been in their perceptions, but what an opportunity for this little family – to talk, to learn, to grow, to love, to build trust, to cooperate and bond together – had been right there on the plate before them – but missed.

In the workplace, “People tend to think that they use logic to make decisions, and they are largely unaware that food preferences can influence their thinking,” says Ayelet Fishbach, a professor in the business school at the University of Chicago. “On a very basic level, food can be used strategically to help people work together and build trust.”*

Some suggestions from the researchers for the workplace include limiting food choices at group luncheons to encourage eating similar foods, or purposely ordering food similar to the other at a business lunch. Can you think of others? Other ways in love and work to build trust and cooperation, maybe to heal wounds, to resolve conflicts, to remind us of our humanity, to build bridges…with food. Practice, practice, practice, and see what happens.

To work on this or something else, would love to hear from you:

Email:  Madelaine Weiss

* “A recipe for friendship: Similar food” July 8, 2016 http://phys.org/news/2016-07-recipe-friendship-similar-food.html. This study will appear in the January, 2017 issue of the Journal of Consumer Psychology.

**Examples and illustrations are fictional composites inspired by but not depicting nor referring to any actual specific person in my practice or life experience.

Copyright © 2017. Madelaine Claire Weiss. All rights reserved.