Could overstimulation or understimulation be affecting your sleep, stress, and relationships?

Modern life is filled with stimulation.

Phones buzz. Screens flash. News alerts arrive nonstop. Calendars overflow. Conversations overlap. Even moments meant for rest often come with noise, multitasking, or scrolling attached.

And while stimulation itself is not the enemy, many people today are beginning to notice something important:

We are often highly stimulated — but poorly soothed.

At the same time, some people experience the opposite problem. Without enough meaningful stimulation, challenge, creativity, movement, or connection, life can begin to feel flat, isolating, repetitive, or emotionally dull.

Both extremes can affect emotional well-being more than we realize.

Recently, during a group discussion, several people talked about finally sleeping better by having learned to calm their minds. Others spoke nostalgically about “simpler times” or places that seemed calmer, greener, slower, and less overwhelming.

That longing makes sense.

But maybe what we are really longing for is not necessarily the past itself, but for the calmer feeling that comes up with our reflection of it.

Too much stimulation can leave us feeling wired, anxious, emotionally reactive, distracted, or exhausted.

Too little stimulation can leave us disengaged, restless in a different way, lonely, or emotionally flat.

The goal is not eliminating stimulation or chasing constant calm. Healthy living requires both.

Interestingly, Ludwig van Beethoven seemed to understand this intuitively. His symphonies often moved between dramatic, energizing passages and calmer, restorative ones. He did not choose one over the other. He composed with both.

What if we could learn to do the same? Here’s how.

1, Pay Attention to What Activates and Settles You

Many people move through life without fully noticing what overstimulates or soothes them.

Some activities energize us in healthy ways. Others flood our nervous systems without allowing recovery.

Similarly, some forms of soothing genuinely restore us, while others simply numb or distract us temporarily.

Awareness matters.

Practical Tip

At the end of the day, briefly ask yourself:

• What energized me today?
• What depleted me?
• What genuinely calmed me?
• What merely distracted me?

Small moments of awareness can reveal important patterns over time.

2. Protect Sleep by Reducing Overstimulation

Sleep is not simply rest. It is also feedback from the nervous system.

When people begin sleeping better, it often signals that somewhere in their lives there is enough settling, enough safety, and enough soothing for the body and mind to let go.

Chronic overstimulation, however, can keep the brain activated long after the workday ends.

Many people stop working physically while continuing mentally.

Practical Tip

Create a short “decompression period” before bed:

• dim lights
• reduce screen exposure
• avoid emotionally activating conversations
• stretch, journal, meditate, pray, read, or listen to calming music

Your nervous system needs cues that it is safe to settle.

3. Healthy Stimulation Can Improve Mood and Motivation

Not all stimulation is harmful.

Healthy stimulation can increase creativity, engagement, curiosity, learning, motivation, and emotional vitality.

As more than an aside, did you know that exercise may not only lift depression, but also help us to make the kinds of changes we are talking about in this piece. You can read about this here.

Exercise, meaningful work, music, nature, conversation, humor, learning something new, and purposeful challenges can all stimulate the brain in positive ways.

The problem is not stimulation itself. The problem is nonstop stimulation without recovery — or insufficient stimulation altogether.

Practical Tip

Pay attention to the difference between activities that leave you:

• inspired versus emotionally flooded
• energized versus depleted
• mentally refreshed versus scattered

That distinction matters more than we sometimes realize.

4. Emotional States Spread Through Relationships

Stress spreads. Calm spreads too.

Parents affect children. Partners affect one another. Leaders affect workplaces. Friends affect friends.

One chronically overstimulated person can unintentionally increase tension throughout an entire environment. On the other hand, one grounded person can help stabilize the emotional tone around them.

This is especially important in families and workplaces where emotional overload can quietly become contagious.

Practical Tip

Before entering an important interaction, pause briefly and ask:

• What emotional state am I bringing into this conversation?
• Am I bringing urgency, tension, calm, steadiness, openness, or presence?

Sometimes regulating ourselves first changes everything that follows.

5. Balance Matters More Than Extremes

Life is not about eliminating stimulation or remaining permanently soothed.

We need challenge, excitement, movement, creativity, and engagement. We also need recovery, reflection, quiet, connection, and restoration.

The art is learning how to notice when the balance has tipped too far in one direction — and gently restoring it.

And balance may look different for different people and at different stages of life.

Some people generally need more stimulation to feel alive and engaged. Others may generally need more soothing to feel emotionally regulated and grounded. And we all may need more or less of one or the other at different points in time.

There is no perfect formula.

Practical Tip

Ask yourself:

• What currently overstimulates me?
• What understimulates me?
• What genuinely soothes me?
• Where might I need more balance right now?

Those questions alone can increase awareness in meaningful ways.

Final Thoughts: We Do Not Only Receive Stimulation and Soothing — We Also Give Them

Perhaps one of the most powerful realizations is this:

We do not only receive stimulation and soothing. We also give them.

We can bring encouragement, creativity, humor, energy, and inspiration into someone else’s life.

We can also bring calm, reassurance, steadiness, and presence.

Sometimes the greatest gift is not solving someone else’s problem but helping another person’s nervous system feel safer in our presence.

In a world that constantly pulls us toward more stimulation, learning how to balance stimulation and soothing may be one of the smartest emotional skills we can develop — for ourselves and for the people around us.

To talk more about how all this may affect your own life, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

What Is Phubbing?

Phubbing — short for phone snubbing — happens when someone shifts attention to their phone when they are with other people. It might be answering a call, replying to a message, scheduling something quickly, or simply keeping the device visible and ready in a shared space — like a canasta table.

In a boardgamegeek.com discussion about phones on the table, there are those who point out that times are changing on how we connect: when, where, and with whom.

Not long ago, this behavior was widely considered rude. If you were with someone, your attention stayed with them. Calls waited. Messages were returned later. Social time had a natural boundary around it.

Today, that expectation has softened.

Phones do sit on some tables. Calls are taken. Emails answered. Appointments scheduled. Messages checked. Conversations pause and resume. This happened just last night in my own home with each of my guests.

Nothing dramatic happens — yet attention becomes subtly micro-fragmented. A glance here. A quick reply there. A brief scheduling exchange. Then back again.

Years ago, I wrote about this when phubbing still clearly felt problematic:

At the time, the assumption was straightforward: divided attention signaled disengagement. But something has changed.

Two powerful forces may help explain why phubbing has become more mainstream now.

1. We now carry the rest of our lives with us everywhere

Social time used to be protected partly because it had to be. Once we were together, we were temporarily unavailable to everything else. Work, family logistics, and small transactions waited.

Now our phones carry all of it:

• work
• family coordination
• scheduling
• travel planning
• finances
• small transactions
• ongoing responsibilities

Most of these take only seconds. A quick email. A short call. A brief exchange.

Attention becomes micro-fragmented. Social time no longer stands apart from the rest of life; it coexists with it.

This isn’t necessarily inconsiderate. It’s efficient. It’s practical. And increasingly, it’s mutually understood.

2. A more anxious world makes constant availability reassuring 

These days, many people are managing overlapping concerns — family, work, health, travel,  and the incredible uncertainty we all live with today. The phone becomes a tether to primary responsibilities and relationships in a way that reassures: We are together. We are okay.

Keeping the phone visible reduces anxiety. It signals readiness. It keeps important roles close at hand. Being reachable feels responsible, caring, and soothing.

In this context, small intrusions don’t necessarily have to signal disengagement from one’s present company. Instead, they may reflect shared understanding. We recognize that each person is managing priorities beyond the moment. And we are in it together.

Recent research reflects this shift. Studies on phubbing increasingly suggest that phone use during interactions often reflects competing relational demands rather than simple disregard.

For example, a recent review notes that the meaning of phone use depends heavily on context, perceived priorities, and shared expectations between people:

The behavior hasn’t disappeared — but its meaning has evolved.

When other parts of life enter the room

This reminds me of something that happened in a coaching session some time ago. I was deeply engaged with a client when my precious little dog, Rafael Leonardo, attacked his squeaky toy — Mr. Chicken. I prayed the squeaking would stop but it didn’t.

So, I paused and apologized for the “empathic break.” That’s what I was trained to call it when my undivided attention was taken away from my client. Strange as this may sound, I was taught that even something as innocent as a sneeze can be felt by another as a rupture in our all-important connection.

When I half-jokingly asked this client if she would like to meet Mr. Chicken, we laughed. Rafael appeared proudly and Mr. Chicken briefly entered the session too.

What might have been a disruption became a shared moment. The connection held. We widened the space, then returned.

Not dismissal — but expansion. Something added rather than subtracted with the connection repaired.

From phone snubbing to phone sharing

Usually, when someone takes a call or answers a message, they return and briefly share what it was about. A work issue. A scheduling detail. A family update.

The interruption doesn’t simply remove them from the interaction — it often brings new context back into it. Other parts of their lives enter the room, briefly, and then the conversation or activity resumes.

Attention still gets micro-fragmented. But the connection holds. The moment widens, then settles again.

In that sense, what we once thought of as phone snubbing may increasingly function as phone sharing. We’re not necessarily turning away from each other — we’re allowing glimpses of the responsibilities and relationships that matter.

What once seemed rude may now feel rather sweet. Food for thought. It has been for me.

To work on this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

Living well is the best revenge, meaning what?

There’s a well-known Hebrew saying: Living well is the best revenge. It’s often misunderstood, as if thriving were meant to provoke or diminish others. It isn’t. It’s moral. It’s strong. And in a world where envy, distortion, and takedowns are increasingly normalized, it may even be a responsibility—perhaps a calling—to stand well and live fully anyway.

Yes, living well can make some people angry. That discomfort, however, doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It may mean you’re doing something right.

As de Balzac put it so piercingly: “How natural it is to destroy what we cannot possess, to deny what we do not understand, and to insult what we envy!” Modern psychology backs him up. A broad review of social comparison and envy confirms that comparing oneself to others is a common experience and can negatively affect well-being, especially when people focus on upward comparisons.

A striking illustration of this goes beyond humans. As I wrote in an earlier post, another study finds that a monkey will topple another monkey’s table of food if the first monkey thinks the second monkey got more. “This, of course, suggests that the roots of punishing envy are more deeply embedded in our psyches than we may know.” You can read more in my piece, What to Do About Envy.

But humans are also dimensionally different. We have choice, awareness, and the capacity to transcend base reactions. That’s where living well becomes both strategy and service.

Here are five practical ways to live well—deliberately, visibly, and without apology.

1. Redefine “Revenge” as Resolve

Living well isn’t about outperforming someone who hurt you. It’s about resolve—the decision to stay oriented toward what strengthens you rather than what drains you. Research on well-being consistently shows that chronic resentment and rumination undermine both mental and physical health, while meaning-driven choices and forward focus support resilience and long-term vitality.

Practice: When resentment shows up, pause and ask: What would strengthen me right now? Then choose the action that builds capacity, clarity, and forward momentum—rather than one that keeps you tethered to old grievances.

2. Stop Shrinking to Manage Other People’s Feelings

Many people—especially women and those in visible or leadership roles—learn to downplay success to avoid triggering envy or discomfort in others. But research shows that habitually silencing oneself in relationships and social settings is associated with increased anxiety, depression, and reduced well-being.

Envy doesn’t disappear when you shrink; it simply finds new targets. To be fair, shrinking can buy temporary quiet. But it does so at a cost. Over time, that tradeoff erodes energy, confidence, and contribution.

Envy isn’t neutralized by your silence. It just asks you to become smaller.

Practice: State your work and accomplishments plainly, without exaggeration or apology. Quiet confidence isn’t arrogance—it’s clarity.

3. Live Well Publicly, Not Performatively

There’s a difference between living well for show and living well in truth. The former seeks validation, the latter models possibility. Research on behavioral modeling shows that people learn not only through instruction but by observing others’ actions and outcomes, a dynamic central to Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, which helps explain how visible positive behavior encourages healthier norms in groups.

Practice: Pick one visible habit that reflects your values—movement, learning, service, creativity—and keep it steady. Consistency speaks louder than explanations.

4. Understand the Source of the Pushback

Not all criticism is envy—but envy often disguises itself as moral outrage or “concern.” When people feel threatened, they may reinterpret information in ways that protect their self-image or sense of identity rather than engaging openly with what’s actually being said. Recognizing this helps you respond wisely instead of defensively.

You don’t need to convince those who are invested in misunderstanding you.

Practice: Sort feedback into two buckets: useful signal and emotional noise. Respond only to the former.

5. Treat Living Well as a Responsibility

If you have resilience, perspective, or the means to create a good life, hiding it doesn’t make the world fairer. It makes it poorer. Research on post-traumatic growth suggests that meaning-making and visible strength can help people orient toward hope after stress and hardship.

Living well—ethically, generously, and with spine—is not self-indulgence. It is contribution.

Practice: Ask “Who benefits when I stand strong and well?” Let that answer steady you when the pressure to dim yourself appears.

Living well won’t win you universal approval. It may provoke discomfort in those who feel exposed by steadiness, clarity, or joy. But shrinking yourself to avoid envy hands others authorship over your life—and quietly diminishes who you are and what you contribute.

Living well is not retaliation. It is resolve—the resolve to remain expansive rather than shrink, grounded rather than bitter, and open rather than hidden, secure in what is healthy and whole.

And in times like these, that resolve isn’t just admirable—it may just be what the moment demands.

Love, and Happy New Year,

Madelaine

How Heavy Is It?

Maybe you’ve heard this story. It’s so good. Bears repeating. Here goes…

A professor once held up a glass of water and asked the class that very question.

“Eight ounces?” someone guessed. “Maybe twelve?” another said.

The teacher smiled and replied, “It doesn’t matter how heavy it is. What matters is how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s fine. An hour, my arm will ache. A day, and I’ll collapse. The weight doesn’t change—but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels.”

We’ve all heard versions of this story before—but it bears repeating because every one of us carries invisible glasses of our own. The worries, the deadlines, the what ifs. The longer we hold them, the heavier they feel.

It’s Not What Happens, It’s How We Hold It

Modern science is catching up with that timeless lesson. Stress, it turns out, isn’t just about what happens to us—it’s about how we hold what happens.

The American College of Lifestyle Medicine (2025) defines stress as a whole-body experience involving biology, psychology, and environment. When a challenge arises, hormones like cortisol and adrenaline surge to help us act. But when the “on” switch stays stuck, the system wears down. Chronic stress has been linked to inflammation, sleep problems, depression, and heart disease.

Even more interesting, recent research shows that how we interpret stress can change its impact. People who view stress as a signal to pause, breathe, and regroup recover faster than those who see it as purely harmful. Mindset matters—not just emotionally, but biologically.

Why It Feels Heavier Now

If you’ve felt more tense lately, you’re far from alone. A 2025 Managed Healthcare Executive report found that workplace stress and performance pressure are at record highs. “Nearly one in four young adults now report significant symptoms of burnout, according to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America report.”

Outside of work, families are facing what The Guardian called a “stress crisis” tied to financial, health, and housing insecurity. And our kids and grandkids aren’t immune—student surveys show rising anxiety about everything from grades to global issues.

It’s as if everyone is holding their glass just too long.

What Happens When We Don’t Put the Glass Down

When stress becomes chronic, the nervous system forgets what “safe” feels like. The body stays on high alert—tight muscles, shallow breathing, scattered focus. It’s adaptive for a moment but exhausting over time.

Think of cortisol like caffeine: a little helps you focus; a constant drip leaves you jittery, sleepless, and drained. That’s the allostatic load—the wear and tear the body endures when recovery never happens.

As a psychotherapist and coach, I’ve seen how invisible this load can be. People think they’re fine until one small frustration—the email, the delay, the disagreement—tips them over. It’s not the event that breaks them; it’s the weight of everything they’ve been holding all along.

5 Science-Backed Ways to Lighten the Load

The good news is that stress is one of the most modifiable health risks we face. We can’t avoid all triggers, but we can change how we respond to them.

1. Small Pauses, Big Payoff

The 2025 UCS found that even five-minute “micro-moments” of rest—breathing, stretching, or quiet reflection—significantly improved mood and lowered perceived stress. You don’t need an hour of meditation; one mindful minute, repeated often, counts.

2. Move the Body, Free the Mind

Exercise remains one of the most powerful stress relievers. A brisk walk can lower cortisol within 20 minutes. Don’t think of movement as another task—think of it as emptying the glass a little before it spills.

3. Social Connect

The ACLM now recognizes social connection as a core pillar of stress management. A laugh with a friend, a quick call, or a shared meal all help to regulate hormones through oxytocin and parasympathetic activation.

4. Reframe, Don’t Deny

Pushing stress away doesn’t work—it just lodges deeper. Try naming it instead: This is stress, and my body’s doing its job. That simple acknowledgment engages the thinking brain and restores perspective.

5. Sleep Is Sacred

No amount of coffee can outthink a tired brain. Rest is recovery, not laziness. Quality sleep restores hormonal balance, clears emotional clutter, and lets the body repair the damage stress can cause.

For practical tips, the CDC’s “Managing Stress” guide offers accessible ways to reset during the day. And here is a fav of mine called One-Touch that I have written about before

The Challenge for High-Achievers

Many high-achievers—especially those who care deeply about doing things right—resist rest because it feels unproductive. But rest isn’t idleness; it’s essential maintenance.

When you rest, your nervous system recalibrates. Your thinking sharpens. Your ability to make decisions improves. Your emotional bandwidth returns.
And the problems that felt overwhelming suddenly become workable again.

The Reframe: Stress Isn’t the Villain

What if it’s a message rather than the villain we think it is?

What if it’s a message that Something needs attention. Maybe it’s too much, too fast, or too constant. When we listen, we can adjust. When we ignore it, it only grows louder.

The point isn’t to live a stress-free life—that’s not realistic. The point is to recognize it for what it is: information, not identity.

The weight of the glass, after all, was never the problem. The problem was forgetting or refusing to put it down.

The Real Lesson

Ask yourself: What’s in your glass today?

What thoughts, worries, or responsibilities are you carrying today that you could set down for another day, if not forever?

Take a breath. Stretch your shoulders. Call someone who makes you laugh. Step outside and feel the air. The science is clear: we were never meant to hold everything all the time.

So find something to set down. Rest your arm. You can always pick it back up if and when that’s the right thing to do.

And for help with this or something else contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

Why Should You Make a New Habit?

This post refreshes and updates one I shared last year for Self-Improvement Month, with the latest market numbers and insights for 2025. Now more than ever, with everything going on in the world — this is the perfect time to upgrade how we live our lives, for ourselves and for everyone counting on us.

September is Self-Improvement Month, and making new habits is a great way to improve yourself and your life. Maybe you thought you had ‘til January 1st to upgrade yourself and your life. But the National Calendar says the time is now.

After all, for many people, resolutions they made in January have failed by now anyway, by February actually. So now would be a good time to try again.

I always want to learn and grow this time of year anyway. People suggest vacation ideas for this time of year, the shoulder season in many terrific places, with rates lower and crowds thinner.

But not for me. For me, it’s ‘back to school’ season, with the days of repentance and renewal coming up too. So, I for one have had enough vacation, gorgeous as it was. Right now, I just want to learn and grow—and improve.

What is Self-Improvement?

Zion Market Research defines self-improvement as:

“The process of improving one’s knowledge, abilities, character, and general well-being is referred to as self-improvement. It entails making conscious efforts to grow in all spheres of one’s life—emotional, intellectual, physical, and social. Numerous activities, including picking up new abilities, forming wholesome habits, improving emotional intelligence, and more, might be included in this process.”

Over the past few years, for Self-Improvement Month, I posted a few fun facts, which I am updating here below:

– Organizations began promoting self-improvement in the 1980s, becoming a national event by 1988.

– The U.S. Spends $41.23 Billion/Year on Self-Improvement, up a lot from $10.4 Billion/Year last time I posted.

– The market includes:

• Books

• Audiobooks

• Infomercials

• Motivational speakers

• Public seminars

• Workshops

• Holistic institutes

• Personal coaching

• Weight loss programs

• Apps

• Internet courses

• Training organizations and more

…for topics, such as:

• Weight loss/exercise

• Business/sales skills

• Business opportunities/investing

• Improving relationships

• and general motivational

The global self-improvement market is estimated to reach $81.77 Billion/Year in 2032, compared with the $56.66 billion by 2027 posted last time.

What drives all this growth? Some say “…the growing awareness that a harmonious balance between mental, emotional, and physical aspects is a necessary component of true well-being….reflects a wider recognition that cultivating a resilient attitude and emotional balance are essential elements of attaining total well-being when confronted with the obstacles presented by contemporary living.”

Let me add another driver; that is, that growing is fun and feels good—the best antidote I know for feeling bad.

The tree wants to grow. The bird wants to fly. And so do humans. And when they don’t, they can get depressed.

So many clients have thought that their misery was the job, the spouse, the money or lack thereof, the whatever outside of themselves…when it turned out to be, simply put, that they were bored.

These clients, and so many people in general, cling to ‘same ole same ole’ habits of living that suck the excitement and enjoyment out of their lives.

It’s not that habits are bad, and we will get to what’s really good about them. It is more that old habits need to make way for the new to help us grow and feel alive.

And that is why making new habits is a great way to kick off September, Self-Improvement Month. So, what is a habit? And how can we make and sustain a new one?

The Self-Improvement Market in 2025

The self-improvement industry continues to grow rapidly:

• United States:

  • Estimated at $12.14B in 2024, projected to $22.08B by 2034.

  • Estimated at $12.57B in 2024, rising to $15.58B by 2030.

  • A broader definition values it at $16.5B in 2024, expected to reach $28.3B by 2033.

• Global:

  • Estimated at $48.4B in 2024, projected to $67.21B by 2030.

  • Estimated at $50.42B in 2024, growing to $86.54B by 2034.

  • A broader “products & services” measure puts it at $59.22B in 2024, rising to $64.61B in 2025.

📚 What’s Included in the Market

• Books

• Audiobooks

• Infomercials

• Motivational speakers

• Public seminars & workshops

• Holistic institutes

• Personal coaching

• Weight-loss programs

• Mobile apps

• Online courses

• Training organizations — and more

🌱 Popular Self-Improvement Topics

• Weight loss & exercise

• Business & sales skills

• Business opportunities & investing

• Improving relationships

• General motivation & mindset

What is a Habit?

From LiveScience:

“A habit is a behavior that has become automatic, according to a 2019 article published in the Oxford Research Encyclopedia. Habits can be formed and eliminated deliberately or unintentionally. We may not even be aware of some of these behaviors.”

Habits help us a lot. Consider the barrage of information we face every day, “equivalent to reading 500 pages of information or an entire encyclopedia every minute.”

Because it would be humanly impossible to process all of that information consciously, we have habits or automatic and easily repeatable actions and behaviors that we don’t have to waste any energy thinking about.

That’s great, but some of those habits were put there by the 5-year-old you used to be—no doubt cute and smart, and very much meaning well by you—but a 5-year-old nonetheless.

And, really, how much do we want a 5-year-old in charge of our lives?

At the very least, it may be time for a review of the major life-shaping habits of your life; like sleep, diet, exercise, work habits, and the like.

I know people who know their lives would be better if only they…but they don’t. Often, it is more like a 2-year-old just saying “NO, I can do whatever I want.” To assert themselves, they will even defy whatever it is they think is right.

Basically, any new behavior is going to have to be directed consciously and willfully by you. This means that if you wait until you ‘feel like it’, which a lot of people do, the day and the desired lifestyle change may never come.

So how can we create and maintain a new habit to improve ourselves and our lives?

How To Create and Maintain a New Habit for Self-Improvement

Bear in mind that this does not happen overnight. It can begin overnight but takes time to lock into your basal ganglia, where it takes on that easy automatic life of its own that you don’t even have to think about.

We have heard that it takes 21 days to make a habit. But this was speculation in the 1960s, not science, from cosmetic surgeon Maxwell Maltz, who believed that’s how long it took his patients to change the mental image of their new look.

More recent studies have found between 18 and 254 days to make a habit (an average of 66 days), depending on motives, resources, self-regulation, and environmental, social, and biological influences.

So, let’s say you want to establish a more consistent sleep routine. This is, by the way, an excellent idea. And, consistency with this and any new habit is key.

How long it will take is anyone’s guess, but you will know you are getting there when it takes less effort to do the new behavior and, in fact, you feel uncomfortable if you don’t.

Consistency is what plants it into your brain. Repetition is what builds the neural connections deeply in your brain that make it easy and automatic for you to upgrade in this way.

Other suggestions in addition to consistency and repetition include:

• Start small. Manageable and measurable. You can always increase over time.

• Pair with something related. What are you eating and drinking before you get into bed? Screentime? Anything in there you want to tweak at the same time?

• Is there a reward you want to pair with your new behavior? Something that delights you? Or with sleep, let’s say, is how good you feel with this new way of doing your sleep reward enough for you?

• What about a Buddy? Or some other form of accountability support system, like coaching, or e-learning—to help maintain whatever new habit(s) you want to invite into your life.

Above all, I would say know your WHY—your very own reason for wanting to take on the effort that this will be until it takes hold—because this is what will keep you from rebelling against and defeating yourself. 😉 For help with this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

With Love,
Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

A Simple Act That Stopped Me Cold

Last week, I joined a group effort to pack medical supplies for people in urgent need. It was a simple operation—assembling kits, labeling boxes, lining things up so they could be delivered as efficiently as possible. The room was full of people as still and focused as I was. Since our leaders emphasized the importance of the exactness of the count and precision in packing, this stillness did not surprise me. But what did surprise me was how often I caught myself staring at my hands.

They were just doing what hands do: lifting, folding, placing. But there was something about watching them move—something I couldn’t stop thinking about. It wasn’t just that they were busy. It was that they were being of use.

The Evolutionary Power of Our Hands

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, there’s a lot to make of that.

Our hands are among the most uniquely human parts of us. They’re not just tools; they’re extensions of our will, our emotion, and even our spirit. Evolution gave us opposable thumbs and fine motor control so we could manipulate the world around us—not only to survive, but to create. We use our hands to build shelters, paint murals, cook meals, cradle newborns, and comfort the grieving. In many ways, our hands are how we make our humanity visible.

Wired to Serve, Built to Belong

When we use our hands for service, especially in response to crisis or need, something inside us seems to settle into place. It feels right. It feels true. That’s not accidental; it’s deeply biological.

Evolution favored cooperation and care because those traits helped early humans survive. We are wired to help our group, especially to protect those we see as ours. And when we do that—even in small ways—our brains reward us with a sense of connection, belonging, and meaning.

The Emotional Pulse of Helping

That’s what I felt, packing those supplies.

I felt the heart part, too. The emotional pull. The sense of urgency, tenderness, and connection. These weren’t just boxes—they were lifelines. And while I may not have known the faces of the people receiving them, I could feel a sense of universal humanity. It was as if, through the simple use of my hands, I was reaching across time and distance to say: I see you. I care.

Often, when I’d finish a task and wasn’t sure what to do next—because of language differences—I’d simply stand there with my palms up and open. That simple gesture somehow said everything: I’m here, I’m ready, I’m with you. No words were needed.

There’s something primal about that feeling. Evolutionary psychologists call it “prosocial behavior”—acts of kindness and support that strengthen the bonds between people. And when those acts happen under pressure, they can even become sacred.

How the Brain Finds Meaning in Motion

But perhaps the most fascinating part is what the brain does with all of this.

Our minds are meaning-making machines. They’re constantly watching, interpreting, and building narratives. As I watched my hands move, I realized that something deeper was happening. My brain was writing a story—not just about what I was doing, but about who I was: This is who you are. This is what you’re meant for. This is how you help.

The Sweet Spot: Head, Heart, and Hands Aligned

When action, emotion, and meaning come into alignment like that, we experience what some psychologists call “existential coherence”—a deep inner sense that life makes sense, even just for a moment. And those moments, while often fleeting, can shift something fundamental in us.

We live in a time when it’s easy to feel disconnected. There’s so much noise, distraction, and division. But when we stop, even briefly, to offer our hands—to serve, to comfort, to build—we reconnect not only with others, but with ourselves. Just as I felt when I once, a long time ago, helped build a child’s bedroom via Habitat for Humanity, and just as I feel very Friday morning when I make sandwiches for the hungry, we remember that we are part of something bigger. That our small acts matter. That we matter and so do they.

What We Hold Is Who We Are

In that simple moment—hands moving, heart open, mind still—I touched something ancient, and something profoundly personal: the timeless human need to be of use.

There is more on the power of our hands in my book Getting to G.R.E.A.T.—on how our hands reflect not just what we do, but who we are becoming. Writing this reminded me again: when we engage our hands in service, aligned with our hearts and minds, we come closer to the life we’re meant to live.

Thank you for reading and being part of this journey with me. To discuss this or something else, in the context of your own life, please do not hesitate to contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

Why Spring Clean? Spring isn’t just about warmer weather and blooming flowers—it’s a time of deep-rooted cleaning traditions found in cultures across the world. From Persian Nowruz, where homes are thoroughly cleaned to welcome the new year, to Jewish Passover preparations, where every crumb of leavened bread is removed, to Thailand’s Songkran Festival, where homes are cleaned and water is splashed to symbolize renewal—cleaning in spring has long symbolized a fresh start.

But beyond scouring shelves, scrubbing floors, and splashing water, there are spaces that hold the key to making a delightful difference in your life. Here are four powerful spaces to clean this spring for a major reset.

1. Your Space: Clean Your Environment, Boost Your Energy

Your surroundings shape your focus, mood, and productivity. Whether at home or in the office, a cluttered, dusty space can drain your energy without you even realizing it. This spring, refresh your space with a deep clean and declutter:

✔ Clear high-traffic zones: Tidy up entryways, desks, and surfaces that collect daily clutter.
✔ Deep clean neglected spots: Dust vents, wash windows, and clear out drawers or cabinets.
✔ Simplify and refresh: Donate what you don’t use, improve lighting, and add small touches like plants to create a more inviting space.

Why it matters: A cleaner, more organized environment reduces stress, boosts productivity, and makes every day feel lighter and more focused.

2. Your Digital Space: Declutter Your Devices

If your phone, laptop, or inbox is a mess, it can drain your energy just as much as a cluttered home. This spring, give your digital life its due attention:

✔ Clean up your inbox: Unsubscribe from emails you never read.
✔ Organize your desktop: Sort files into folders and get rid of outdated documents.
✔ Declutter your social media: Unfollow accounts that no longer inspire you and mute the negative.

Why it matters: A cleaner digital space means less mental clutter, fewer distractions, and more focus on what truly matters.

3. Your Social Space: Strengthen the Right Connections

Relationships can be energizing—or draining. Just like your home and inbox, your social circle might need a reset too. This spring, take stock of who and what you’re investing your time in:

✔ Reconnect with people who uplift you: Reach out to old friends or plan quality time with loved ones.
✔ Set boundaries where needed: If certain relationships feel toxic or one-sided, consider limiting the time and energy spent with them.
✔ Clean up your social calendar: Are you overcommitted? Say no to obligations that don’t bring joy or growth.

Why it matters: Your time and energy are valuable—protect them by surrounding yourself with people and activities that align with your values and well-being.

4. Your Mental Space: Let Go of What No Longer Serves You

Spring cleaning isn’t just about externals—it’s about refreshing your mindset too. Take time to:

✔ Reevaluate commitments: Are you saying yes to things that drain you? It’s time to set boundaries.
✔ Let go of negative self-talk: Challenge limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones.
✔ Create a self-care reset: Whether it’s journaling, meditating, or simply taking more mindful breaks, make space for what nourishes you.

Why it matters: Cleaning your mental space creates room for new energy, better habits, and greater clarity in your life.

Final Thoughts: Your Spring Reset Starts Now

By refreshing these four spaces—your environment, your digital world, your social life, and your mind—you’re not just tidying up, you’re creating a better, brighter life with more clarity, energy, and connection. A fresh space, a decluttered digital world, and stronger relationships all support a clear and focused mind—the foundation for lasting wellness.

For a quick, simple, yet powerful way to reset your mindset, try my Power Breathing Exercise—a fast and effective practice to ground yourself and bring fresh energy into everything in your life.

👉 Visit https://madelaineweiss.com/power_breathing/ to get started!

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

What is Self-Check?

Sounds like it could be another set of promises to make and not keep. As I have written before, maybe you already know that 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail, 80% of them failing by mid-February, and 64% of us making the same resolutions over and over again every year. Same 5 lbs. every year or whatever it may be for you. 

On the one hand, that should make February, National Self-Check Month, a great time to check in on how we are doing. On the other hand, who are we kidding, given all the broken promises already made? Why wouldn’t self-check become just another set of those?

Those broken promises are expensive because there is something about not being able to count on ourselves that shapes our lives. For one thing, it is harder to leap beyond our comfort zones to reach for something new and amazing when we are not even sure we can count on ourselves to see things through.

So what is self-check? And how can it help? Let’s hear it from Joan Peckolick, who founded the non-profit, Self Chec:

…using emotional connections to help save precious lives by raising awareness of the importance of early detection and preventative actions that help keep us healthy from cancer, heart disease, diabetes and obesity; chronic diseases that often, unnecessarily take the lives of some of our loved ones much too early.

Peckolick’s goal is to empower people to:

• Take control of their own health
• Reduce health risks that are often preventable or treatable
• Facilitate healthy habits and conversations
• Confront difficult health subjects for themselves and loved ones

Self-check is a little catchier than the self-care we hear so much about, but neither is all that new.

Socrates and Self-Check

Surprisingly, self-care dates back to Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher often regarded as the father of Western philosophy. While “self-care” may seem like a modern buzzword tied to bubble baths and mindfulness apps, Socrates had a much deeper perspective. He believed in the importance of knowing oneself, famously declaring, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

For Socrates, self-care was not about indulgence but about cultivating a thoughtful and virtuous life. He encouraged individuals to nurture their inner world, reflect on their actions, and align their lives with higher principles of wisdom and goodness.

This ancient approach to self-care reminds us that taking care of ourselves goes beyond physical well-being—it’s also about tending to the mind and soul, something that resonates just as powerfully today as it did thousands of years ago—especially in such trying times for so many.

Although Peckolick’s emphasis appears more on physical health, she does emphasize the importance of our relationships in helping to keep us well, which is a point I would also like to expand upon.

The 3 Tips (Expanded)

Peckolick and National Day Calendar founded National Self-Check Month in 2018, with tips on how to observe:

1. Do some exercise

Exercising is a great form of self-care. It is of absolute importance that people of different ages engage in some form of exercise.

2. Maintain a healthy diet

Eat healthily. More than half of the illnesses that befall us can be prevented or controlled by simply eating healthy and maintaining a healthy diet.

3. Share health concerns with family

When you have concerns regarding your health, particularly if you already live with a chronic illness, it serves you best to share these concerns with family (and your doctor too). Don’t keep it to yourself.

Numbers 1 and 2 speak for themselves, so it is number 3 that I would like to expand upon, i.e., inviting other people into our lives.

In “The Anti-Social Century,” Derek Thompson explores the deepening loneliness in American life, touching on findings from U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s “Epidemic of Loneliness” report that links social isolation to serious health risks. Loneliness isn’t just an emotional struggle—it’s a physical one, too. Murthy points out that the health risks of chronic loneliness are as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Being socially disconnected is associated with higher risks of heart disease, stroke, and even premature death.

Thompson reflects on how the erosion of in-person connections—like fewer meals shared with friends or less time spent in community spaces—affects not only our emotional well-being but also our resilience and capacity to thrive. Studies show that people with strong social networks are more likely to live longer, handle stress better, and maintain cognitive health as they age.

Taking time to nurture relationships, whether through small gatherings, or simply reaching out to a friend, can act as a self-check for both your physical and emotional health. Connection isn’t just nice to have—it is essential to living well.

For help with this or something else, contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

With love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

What if fear, instead of being your enemy—or your protector at best—could be your Energizer Battery this January?

January can feel like a weird in-between time. The holiday buzz has faded, maybe the weather is dreary, and many people are left staring at the daunting resolutions they’ve written down—or worse, completely avoided. It’s the perfect recipe for the January blahs.

But what if you gave yourself the gift of fear this year instead of trying to power through with useless resolutions? Yes, fear. The kind that transports you out of your comfort zone. The kind that makes your heart race and reminds you that you’re alive.

What’s So Good About Fear?

Fear is not your enemy—it’s your magic carpet. Sure, it protects you from danger. But it also shows up when you’re on the edge of growth, signaling that you’re being transported into new and uncharted territory. While our instincts often tell us to retreat, the magic lies in doing the opposite: leaning in.

Facing challenges head-on rewires your brain to see fear more as an invitation than a stop sign. The result? Confidence, resilience, and a renewed sense of excitement. Even small acts of courage—speaking up in a meeting, trying something new, or reaching out to someone—can spark this transformation.

Magic Carpet. Energizer Battery. Or, some other way to think about it that works best for you. Studies show that facing fears directly has benefits:

1. Keeps you safe.
2. Helps you lose weight.
3. Temporarily boosts immune system.
4. Feeling fear—in the right dose—is fun and exciting.
5. Gives you a natural high and a sense of empowerment.
6. Helps you manage stress and relaxes you.
7. Helps you stay in the present moment and to focus.
8. Socializes you and bonds you to other people.
9. Allows you to live life to the fullest.
10. Gives you clarity on what’s really important in life.

The Problem with January Resolutions

Every January, we’re inundated with messages about resolutions: “New Year, New You!”

Okay, maybe that was harsh. And while setting goals can be helpful, resolutions often come with an all-or-nothing mindset. Miss one gym session or indulge in one dessert, and suddenly, you feel like a failure.

Here’s a surprising statistic: only 8% of people successfully stick to their New Year’s resolutions. That means 92% of us are left feeling frustrated and defeated by February. Instead of striving for perfection, what if you focused on curiosity and growth instead?

This year, trade in resolutions for a practice that’s kinder, more flexible, and far more energizing: doing one scary thing every day.

The Gift of Fear: A Newer Approach

Here’s how it works: each day, identify one action that makes your heart race a little. It doesn’t have to be monumental—just enough to challenge you. Whether it’s tackling a difficult conversation, signing up for a class you’ve been avoiding, or even exploring a new hiking trail, the key is to stretch yourself in small, manageable ways.

When you do this consistently, something amazing happens. You start to break free from monotony, discover new parts of yourself, and feel truly alive.

Before diving into something scary, remember that it’s okay to take a little time—for the ready and set—in ready, set, go. Not a lot of time. Not forever time. But an amount of time you designate to ready and set yourself for the leap.

And then just do it. Leap!

Practical Tip: Start with a “Fear List”

For this practice, try creating a Fear List. Write down five small, slightly intimidating actions you’ve been avoiding. Rank them from least to most scary. Start with the smallest one, and commit to tackling it at a certain time, on a certain day. Not when you feel like it. Rather, at a time you designate whether you feel like it or not.

Promise made. Promise kept. Trust me when I tell you how empowering and uplifting it can be to know that you can count on you!

Here are some examples:

1. Try a new recipe that looks a bit tricky.
2. Email a mentor or colleague to express gratitude.
3. Speak up in a group discussion or meeting.
4. Explore a local class or event you’ve been curious about.
5. Set boundaries in a relationship or say “no” when it feels right.

Crushing January, One Step at a Time

Fear can be the spark that ignites your energy and ambition. Treat fear as a gift—one that nudges you toward growth—and you’ll discover a new way to approach the year ahead, and maybe even, happily, the rest of your life.

Are you ready? Ready, Set, Go?  Visit my website at madelaineweiss.com for more inspiration and resources to help you embrace your boldest, brightest self—or, to talk with me directly, click HERE.

Lots of Love for the New Year,

Madelaine

As the holidays approach, let’s remember the light we carry within us. A single flame, when shared, can brighten countless others without losing its glow.

Lead with the light that inspires and uplifts this season. ✨

Who will you shine your light on today? Let’s spread kindness and joy together!

Thank you for being part of this journey. Your presence means so much.

Happy Holidays to all!

With love,
Madelaine