What Happened?

The other night I watched a strong and wise man tear up in the middle of his remarks.
And I completely fell apart.

It felt like something that had been building for a long time, with everything going on in the world — the noise, the uncertainty, the sense that we are all carrying more than we show.

My mother would have called it a good cry.
But these days, a lot of people don’t think there is anything good about crying at all.

3 Reasons We Don’t or Won’t Cry

Research suggests that many adults rarely cry, and some even describe themselves as “non-criers.” Most people who hold their tears intend to do it for one of three reasons.

1. We were taught crying means weakness
   Many of us grew up hearing things like “don’t cry,” “be strong,” or “keep it together.” I have written myself on the benefits of staying positive, and more recently on all about living well no matter what, with those adorable happy faces. Over time, though, the nervous system can learn,  inadvertently, how to shut down emotion before tears can ever start.
2. We are afraid of losing control
   Some people worry that if they start crying, they won’t be able to stop. So, they hold everything in instead. Research on emotional suppression shows that pushing feelings down can increase stress in the body rather than reduce it.
3. We don’t feel safe enough to let go
   Crying requires a sense of emotional safety. When life feels uncertain, overwhelming, or tense, the body stays in alert mode — and tears don’t come easily.

3 Reasons Crying May Actually Help

Others strongly disagree with the idea that crying is bad for us. In fact, research suggests tears may serve an important psychological and biological purpose.

1. Crying helps calm the nervous system
   Studies suggest emotional crying may activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for recovery and regulation.
2. Crying may release soothing brain chemicals
   Crying has been associated with the release of oxytocin and endorphins, chemicals linked to relief, bonding, and emotional regulation.
3. Crying helps us process emotion instead of storing it
   When feelings are held in, the body stays tense. When feelings move through, people often report feeling clearer, calmer, or more grounded afterward.

What If You Can’t Cry? Try This

I’m lucky — I can cry.

But what if you can’t?
Or what if the feelings are there, but the tears won’t move?

At a Harvard Medical School conference last week, Lisa Miller, Ph.D., led us through an exercise that was surprisingly touching. It wasn’t about forcing emotion. It was about creating the kind of inner safety where emotion can happen.

Take a moment to calm your body and mind. Close your eyes and take a few slow breaths.

Now imagine a table in front of you. This is your table. You may invite anyone who truly has your best interest in mind — living or deceased — to sit with you. These people form your council.

Ask them:
Do you love me?
What do you hear them saying?

Invite your higher self to the table — the part of you beyond what you have or have not done, beyond success or failure.
Ask that part of you:
Do you love me?

Then invite your higher power, whatever that means to you, and ask the same question.

Finally ask:
What do I need to hear right now?

This practice, “Who’s at your table?”, is designed to help people reconnect to a sense of love, support, and meaning that goes deeper than everyday thinking.

Sometimes the tears come.
Sometimes they don’t.

But even when they don’t, something softens.
And that can be healing too.

Making Room for Feeling in a Noisy World

We live in a time when the world feels loud, uncertain, and overwhelming.
It is easy to stay in our heads and never let anything reach our hearts.

But, every once in a while, something breaks through.
A moment.
A memory.
A voice catching in the middle of a sentence.

And when that happens, it may not be weakness.
It may be the nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

Releasing.
Resetting.
Reminding us that we are human.

For help with this or something else, contact me at
weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,
Madelaine 

What do you do when the people you love most seem blind to what matters most to you?

I have written before on the intensifying differences in our lives today. And I write again because I find one of the hardest emotional challenges in life—when we find ourselves on one side of a chasm, staring across at people you once felt completely connected to, and realizing they simply don’t see what you see.

They’re not bad people. In fact, they may be some of the most decent, caring people you know. But when it comes to certain issues—issues you see as urgent or even existential—it’s as if they’re living in another reality. The pain of that disconnection can feel like a quiet heartbreak, over and over again.

This dissonance isn’t new. In fact, psychologists call it selective perception—the brain’s tendency to filter out information that doesn’t match pre-existing beliefs. Ray Nickerson’s research on confirmation bias explains how even reasonable people can completely miss facts that don’t fit their worldview.

Here are five powerful truths that can help you find steadiness in the swirl of emotional complexity when those you love just don’t see the world the way you do.

1. It’s Not Just a Difference of Opinion—It’s a Difference of Reality

Disagreements about where to eat dinner or how to spend a weekend are one thing. But when your loved ones dismiss or minimize something you believe threatens the future, it stops feeling like a simple disagreement and starts to feel like you’re on separate planets.

Cognitive scientist George Lakoff explains that people don’t interpret facts neutrally—we use deeply ingrained metaphors and moral frames. That’s why two people can hear the same story and draw opposite conclusions. If someone sees your concern through a completely different frame, they may literally not register the urgency you feel.

2. The More You Care, the More It Hurts

If we didn’t care about them, it wouldn’t matter what they thought. But love sharpens the pain. Watching someone we care for deeply speak or act in a way that seems dangerously naïve, misinformed, or even hostile to what we value can feel like a form of grief.

Psychologist Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous loss—the kind of grief we feel when someone is physically present but emotionally or psychologically absent in some crucial way. It captures that unique ache of seeing someone you love shift into a worldview you can no longer share.

3. You May Be Right—and Still Be Alone in It

We might see patterns others are missing. We might have done more research. We might feel more connected to history’s warnings. But being right doesn’t always bring connection. In fact, it can isolate.

This echoes what some call the Cassandra complex—the torment of seeing what’s coming but being dismissed. Named after the Greek myth where Cassandra was cursed to see the future but never be believed, it reflects a painful truth: having insight doesn’t always create influence. Sometimes, it just makes us feel lonelier.

4. You Don’t Have to Convince to Stay Connected

Here’s the hard but hopeful truth: We can love people without agreeing with them. We can hold our own perspective firmly and still choose not to argue every point. We can let go of the fantasy that if we just explained it better, they’d finally get it.

In conflict resolution, this is called strategic disengagement. It’s not surrender—it’s a conscious decision to protect the relationship by not needing to win. Holding boundaries with grace is a strength, not a failure.

5. You Can Grieve the Divide Without Losing Yourself

When we realize a loved one doesn’t—and maybe won’t—see the world the way we do, there’s a subtle identity crisis that can follow. Who are we without that shared vision? Can we still belong? Are we safe?

Let yourself grieve that loss. But don’t let it pull you out of your own integrity.

We are still allowed to care deeply, speak clearly, and hold compassion for those who can’t or won’t join us in seeing what we see. Their denial does not invalidate our insight. Their fear does not diminish our clarity.

You are not alone, even if it sometimes feels that way. To discuss this or something else, Contact Me at madelaineweiss.com

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Unsplash

What is Self-Check?

Sounds like it could be another set of promises to make and not keep. As I have written before, maybe you already know that 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail, 80% of them failing by mid-February, and 64% of us making the same resolutions over and over again every year. Same 5 lbs. every year or whatever it may be for you. 

On the one hand, that should make February, National Self-Check Month, a great time to check in on how we are doing. On the other hand, who are we kidding, given all the broken promises already made? Why wouldn’t self-check become just another set of those?

Those broken promises are expensive because there is something about not being able to count on ourselves that shapes our lives. For one thing, it is harder to leap beyond our comfort zones to reach for something new and amazing when we are not even sure we can count on ourselves to see things through.

So what is self-check? And how can it help? Let’s hear it from Joan Peckolick, who founded the non-profit, Self Chec:

…using emotional connections to help save precious lives by raising awareness of the importance of early detection and preventative actions that help keep us healthy from cancer, heart disease, diabetes and obesity; chronic diseases that often, unnecessarily take the lives of some of our loved ones much too early.

Peckolick’s goal is to empower people to:

• Take control of their own health
• Reduce health risks that are often preventable or treatable
• Facilitate healthy habits and conversations
• Confront difficult health subjects for themselves and loved ones

Self-check is a little catchier than the self-care we hear so much about, but neither is all that new.

Socrates and Self-Check

Surprisingly, self-care dates back to Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher often regarded as the father of Western philosophy. While “self-care” may seem like a modern buzzword tied to bubble baths and mindfulness apps, Socrates had a much deeper perspective. He believed in the importance of knowing oneself, famously declaring, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

For Socrates, self-care was not about indulgence but about cultivating a thoughtful and virtuous life. He encouraged individuals to nurture their inner world, reflect on their actions, and align their lives with higher principles of wisdom and goodness.

This ancient approach to self-care reminds us that taking care of ourselves goes beyond physical well-being—it’s also about tending to the mind and soul, something that resonates just as powerfully today as it did thousands of years ago—especially in such trying times for so many.

Although Peckolick’s emphasis appears more on physical health, she does emphasize the importance of our relationships in helping to keep us well, which is a point I would also like to expand upon.

The 3 Tips (Expanded)

Peckolick and National Day Calendar founded National Self-Check Month in 2018, with tips on how to observe:

1. Do some exercise

Exercising is a great form of self-care. It is of absolute importance that people of different ages engage in some form of exercise.

2. Maintain a healthy diet

Eat healthily. More than half of the illnesses that befall us can be prevented or controlled by simply eating healthy and maintaining a healthy diet.

3. Share health concerns with family

When you have concerns regarding your health, particularly if you already live with a chronic illness, it serves you best to share these concerns with family (and your doctor too). Don’t keep it to yourself.

Numbers 1 and 2 speak for themselves, so it is number 3 that I would like to expand upon, i.e., inviting other people into our lives.

In “The Anti-Social Century,” Derek Thompson explores the deepening loneliness in American life, touching on findings from U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s “Epidemic of Loneliness” report that links social isolation to serious health risks. Loneliness isn’t just an emotional struggle—it’s a physical one, too. Murthy points out that the health risks of chronic loneliness are as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Being socially disconnected is associated with higher risks of heart disease, stroke, and even premature death.

Thompson reflects on how the erosion of in-person connections—like fewer meals shared with friends or less time spent in community spaces—affects not only our emotional well-being but also our resilience and capacity to thrive. Studies show that people with strong social networks are more likely to live longer, handle stress better, and maintain cognitive health as they age.

Taking time to nurture relationships, whether through small gatherings, or simply reaching out to a friend, can act as a self-check for both your physical and emotional health. Connection isn’t just nice to have—it is essential to living well.

For help with this or something else, contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

With love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

Why Do People Procrastinate?

Just this week a couple of clients were suffering from procrastination. And just this week there was a study reported, on how to stay on task, that I believe can help us to get started on the tasks too. 

Naturally, I am intrigued by what makes it so hard to get started in the first place. After all, she put it on her list, she said she would do it, she even said that she wanted to do whatever it was, and then she didn’t.

It can be puzzling, if not deeply frustrating because they have no idea why they would behave so irrationally. But is it irrational, or is there something more going on? 

One of the first and best things I learned in business school was that people are rational.

Even if the reason is not conscious, still there is a reason ‘why not’ that is overpowering the ‘why’ they first wanted to do it at all. 

And what might that be? What is the reason for this mighty resistance to getting things done? 

Let’s talk about procrastination, something 94% of participants in one study said is ruining their happiness. From an earlier post on why so many people put off doing what they said they would:

What Causes Procrastination?

Go here if you want to read about the 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6 types of Procrastinators. I’m more interested in general causes than types, and found this great list, which you can unpack more here:

• • Abstract goals.
  • Outcomes that are far in the future.
  • A disconnect from our future self.
  • Feeling overwhelmed.
  • Anxiety.
  • Task aversion.
  • Perfectionism.
  • Fear(e.g., of failure, evaluation, or negative feedback).
  • Perceived lack of control.
  • ADHD.
  • Depression.
  • Lack of motivation.
  • Lack of energy.
  • Sensation seeking.

The list above got me thinking about someone I talked with just this week. Let’s call her Sue. 

Sue got called on the rug big time, by her director, for putting off things her director really wanted her to do. Turns out, Sue said that it was not that she didn’t like the tasks per se. Sometimes, that is the reason, task aversion, on the list above. But not in Sue’s case.

And, it was not that she had too much else to do. She did have other things to do, which she enjoyed more so she did those, especially since these other activities gave her a more enhanced sense of herself.-

I get Sue. A lot of adults don’t particularly appreciate being told what to do. They are adults after all. And they especially don’t like having whatever it is hanging over their heads, even if the nagging about things undone is coming from inside their own heads.

It’s intrusive and stressful. And they want it to go away, so they put it off, as if that will make it go away only it doesn’t. What we resist persists and only comes back stronger. 

And, it isn’t our most mature and effective shot to be digging our heels in like a 2-year-old when it comes to stuff we know we need to get done. 

What can we do instead?  

What to Do Instead of Procrastination

Not starting and not sticking with a task or commitment are 2 of the numerous types of procrastinating.

For both of these, instead of mindlessly (and/or willfully) procrastinating when we don’t feel like doing what we think we should—or said we would—what if we paused for a moment and asked ourselves what purpose would it serve to just get it done?

The University of Oregon study found that participants had a much easier time sticking with a task and with better performance when the task was associated with specific individual goals to pursue. Goal setting can knock out distractions that take us off task and motivate us in the direction of beginning tasks we have been putting off.

So, what about this? As only one example, what if a general purpose goal was that it simply feels terrific to get things done?

I pride myself on having the world’s shortest to-do list. I love how it feels to put my head on the pillow at night knowing I pretty much got it done, for not just myself but all the people counting on me too. Nobody is making me do anything. I am the adult, fully in charge.

And okay fine, sometimes I don’t get it all done, but it’s not like there is a big pile-up weighing me down and stealing my smile, because most things get done. And they get done because I want them to because it feels good. 

Maybe you can try this, or come up with a guiding goal that works better for you.

Practice, practice, practice…see what happens and let us know.

With love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

What is a Promise? 

I just made a promise not to say anything else about something I have already said enough about, for now anyway. 😉 First and foremost, this is a promise I made to myself. I believe all promises are, first and foremost, promises to oneself to keep one’s word about whatever it was. 

Of course, when we break promises to others, we run the risk of damaging our reputations and relationships, so we don’t want to do a whole lot of that. Moreover, breaking our promises can deeply damage ourselves. Here, from a Huffington Post article, is how that works:

According to Self-Completion Theory (Wicklund & Gollwitzer, 1982), when we are committed to particular identity goals, like being a good parent, a talented artist, or a successful business person, we engage in a variety of activities in order to prove to ourselves (and to others) that we are in fact good parents, talented artists, or successful business people.

Some of these activities are essential to the identity — an artist isn’t really an artist if she doesn’t at least occasionally create some art. Other activities are purely symbolic — like self-praise (“Look at that brushwork. I am so good!”), or dressing the part by walking around in a paint-spattered smock. When we fail at some task that is relevant to our identity (e.g., a rejection from an art gallery, a bad review from an art critic), we feel a sense of incompleteness — saddened and anxious that we aren’t living up to our mental image of who and what we are supposed to be. 

Saddened, anxious, and more. It may not be conscious but deep-down people know that they are not living true to their word, and that if they are as good as their word, then they are not very good at all. They, therefore, think they are not deserving of much, like my client a long time ago who embezzled funds and then wondered out loud why he didn’t have a good woman in his life. Bingo, as he came to realize that deep-down he didn’t feel deserving of one. So, he suffered.

Fitness tutor, Allison Lambert, put it this way:

Think back to a time when you were stood up by someone. You felt sad, hurt, unimportant, and disappointed in the person who canceled on you. Whether or not you sit in these emotions when you break a promise to yourself is up to you, but you can’t deny their existence. You, often unconsciously, start to view yourself as unreliable, flaky, and believe the narrative that you aren’t important and worthy of this time for you. Eventually, you start to view every goal or commitment you make for your improvement as optional.

Studies on cognitive dissonance show that when people’s actions and beliefs don’t line up, they usually change their beliefs to match their actions. You may be slowly but surely telling yourself you don’t matter and don’t deserve the time you’ve tried to set aside.

Surely you have heard, ‘You are only as good as your word’ and ‘Say what you do and do what you say.’ Shakespeare’s Hamlet advised, “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” The Bible tells us “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” And, of course there is Aesop’s Fable about “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

From Merriam-Webster: A promise is “a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified.” And, the idea that we are not supposed to break them goes back far, even to ancient Mesopotamia (~1754 BCE), with the Code of Hammurabi, consisting of 282 laws about everyday life, including one for what happened (hands cut off) if someone got caught breaking their word.

These people were all onto something that is studied to this day. In fact, modern-day science shows a clear distinction between the neural activity of promise keepers and promise breakers. Their idea here is to use such findings to further our ability to detect people who act well-meaning on the surface but turn out to be malevolent in the end.

But not all promise breakers are bad actors. Sometimes good people have their reasons, so what are some of the reasons even good people might, and even should, break promises to themselves and others sometimes?

Why Do We Break Them?

The definition above, “a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified,” doesn’t distinguish whether the one making the promise is even aware they have made it. Here is an example of a promise I should have broken if only I had realized that I made it. From an earlier post on promises:

As only one example, I did not realize until long after big damage was done that I had made a promise to myself to maintain emotional composure no matter what.

So, when I was in the ER with not yet diagnosed flesh-eating disease and they kept sending me home, I should have thrown a fiery fit and refused to budge, but kept my promise to myself to be composed and cooperative instead.

Had I broken this promise to myself, I would not have a mark on me today, could have avoided the 7 weeks in the hospital, 10 trips to the OR, the $397,000 the healthcare system spent on my care…you get the idea.  

So here we have a perfect example of the Self-Completion Theory we talked about above. There I was keeping a promise to myself that was completely out of touch with the situation at hand, a promise I should have broken, just like Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment, when out of control screamed “Give my daughter her shot.”

Now, what are some other reasons to break promises? Personal development coach, Jan Bowen, lists four, paraphrased here:

1. You honestly do have good intentions but something came up, like a family member got sick and needed your care.
2. You’re stating the behavior of the person you wish to be (the Self Completion Theory again), even though the commitment may have been unrealistic in the first place.
3. You don’t feel like ‘enough’ as you are so you overpromise, which seems very much related to #2 above.
4. You’re uncomfortable saying ‘no’, which seems key for all of the above.

Let’s just boil this down into two things to know.

Two Things to Know

Two things to know that might help a lot: 1) Know why we are saying yes, and 2) Know how to say no.

1) Know why we are saying yes: If possible, before you make a promise to yourself or another, check first to see how much the promise is meant to enhance your sense of self. That’s okay if it is—as long as the fulfillment of the promise is realistic as well. Then, of course, keep the promise, if you possibly can.

2) Know how to say no: For the times when we cannot make or keep a promise, it is helpful to remember that there are layers to promises. Whether it is a promise to oneself and/or another, the deepest and most important layer can be the promise of caring. Even when, especially when, we are unable to fulfill the actual promise, we can always fulfill the promise of caring by affirming that first.

I believe that buried within every NO there is a YES, and that we should lead with the YES. For deadlines, for example, ‘Yes I will definitely get this done (I care), but I’ve already said yes to these 2 other projects, so what is the latest date by which this must be done?’ Or ‘Yes I know how really important this (I care), but I’ve already said yes to these 2 other projects, who else can step in until I can?’   

For disappointing a friend or family member, YES to ‘I love you (I care), and am so sorry I could not XXX because of XXX; tell me how else I can help.’ And, for disappointing ourselves, sure why not, same thing, YES to ‘I love you (I care), and am so sorry I could not XXX because or XXX; tell me how else I can help.’

Practice, practice, practice…see what happens and let us know. For help with this or something else, Contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Warmly,

Madelaine

Photo by FreePik

What are The Stats on Political Polarization?

In Social Science and Medicine, Northeastern University researchers report:

• Participants reporting increase in polarization had 52-57% higher odds of developing depressive disorders and anxiety disorders.
• Participants reporting high (vs. low) levels of perceived state-level mass (general public) polarization had 49% higher odds of depressive disorders.
• Participants who perceived high levels of state-level elite (party organizers and officials) polarization reported 71% higher odds of depressive disorders and 49% higher odds of sleep disorders.

So, wow, how come hardly anyone is talking about this link?

We are talking about a mental health crisis. For some stats on this from the World Health Organization:

• Mental health conditions are increasing worldwide.
• 13% rise in mental health conditions and substance use disorders in last decade (to 2017).
• Around 20% of the world’s children and adolescents have a mental health condition, with suicide the second leading cause of death among 15-29-year-olds.
• Two of the most common mental health conditions, depression and anxiety, cost the global economy US$ 1 trillion each year.

And, separately, we are also talking about the rise in political polarization. From NBC News, (for just a few markers, check out the article for more)

• Before Harry Truman ran for a full term in 1948, two-thirds of Democrats (68%) and even half of Republicans (50%) approved of his job performance. 
• By the time of Richard Nixon in the White House, the gap between his party’s approval of him and the opposition party grew to 47 points. 
• By Barack Obama’s time, it expanded to 72 points. 
• And for Donald Trump, it was 79 points, shrinking only by the slightest of margins to 77 points for Joe Biden.

So, we know that mental health challenges are rising. And we know that political polarization is rising. Maybe you will agree that it is time now to la good look at the link between the two.

How Does the Political Polarization-Mental Health Link Work?

Even pre-pandemic, in 2019, 19.86% of adult Americans reported a mental health challenge.

This health.com article gave 4 reasons why things appear to be going from bad to worse. They were:

1. Social Media
2. Covid-19
3. Isolation and Loneliness
4. Lack of Access to Care

Notice not a word about political polarization. To take it personally for a moment, when a news commentator asked, with a straight face, if “Strawberry” was actually a thing on a booking document, saying that he was not familiar with that option appearing on booking documents for hair color — I laughed.

I am sorry I laughed because this whole thing is not funny. And when I asked myself why I was laughing if it is not funny, I thought maybe it was nervous laughter.

Maybe a lot of us are nervous without even being aware, so instead we polarize. Instead, if ever there was a season of “I am right and good, and you are wrong and bad,” this is it.

You are wrong and bad and, when I am really nervous, you are ridiculously funny, as my psychological defense.

Business people describe the current state of our world as relentlessly VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous). Nerve wracking, that is.

The more stressed we are the more we drill down into our differences and huddle together with those who are trying to make sense of the world in the same way that we are ourselves. Singing to the choir as it is otherwise known. Political polarization.

Humans have a drive for sense-making that can make us hostile to alternative points of view that make our own seem to make less sense than we prefer to think. From an earlier post on this topic:

It’s our story. Our central organizing principle. Everybody has one. Everybody needs one to function at all. Just as the brain regulates body temperature, it regulates and simplifies sensory inputs so our brains don’t explode.  

Alright, maybe that’s a bit much, but you all know what too much information feels like. It almost hurts, makes you want to take a nap, or a drink, or eat a bag of cookies, or something.

It’s too much. Our little brains can’t work with all that, but we need something to work with so, by nature and by nurture, our brains pick and choose us a manageable view of the world and our place in it.

The best story I know to illustrate the point is The Elephant and The Blind Men. Six blind men are told that there is an elephant in the village. They all go to the elephant to ‘see’ with their hands what an elephant is. Each touches a different part of the elephant. Here’s what they said:

“Hey, the elephant is a pillar,” said the first man who touched his leg.

“Oh, no! it is like a rope,” said the second man who touched the tail.

“Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.

“It is like a big hand fan” said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.

“It is like a huge wall,” said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.

“It is like a solid pipe,” Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.

And then they argued, each convinced that he was right. Because he was – but only partly. And herein lies the rub that makes us so unwelcoming, if not downright hostile, to that which we cannot ourselves ‘see’. Six different stories, all of them true and only partly true, as many different stories as there are people in the world, one of which is yours.

And just as an actor/actress has a script and role to play, so do we. That is, our story, which gives meaning and coherence to our lives, also directs our action, unless we actively, mindfully, intervene.

Exactly what we need to do. Intervene. Not so much with the other person, as with ourselves.

One of the 4 reasons given above for worsening mental health was “Isolation and Loneliness.” And yet, in an effort to secure ourselves psychologically, we are behaving in ways that are damaging us all socially, emotionally, and physically too.

My client, an elite partisan who suffered significant gastrointestinal issues, was convinced that her encounters with others opposed to her own view of the world were a major cause of her ill-health.

And many people, in general, are now operating in flight, flight, freeze mode—all stress responses that can both make us sick and alienate the very support we need to feel safer in the world. 

So, what can we do? 

What We Can Do

Actually, there are some things we can do. This is not always the case. But in this case, yes indeed there are some things we can do.

Last week we talked about mastering our mouths—how we can pause before we speak to make sure our thoughts pass the test of true, kind, necessary, and beneficial before any words come out of our mouths.

Another useful exercise is something I call The Judgment Room, on how judgy we humans are so we can begin to get a grip on our judginess for a better, safer world in which to live with each other.

Here is The Judgment Room link: https://acrobat.adobe.com/link/review?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:9058129f-985d-3b40-9ce3-6f6f3a6985fe

Practice, practice, practice…see what happens, and let us know.

Warmly,

Madelaine