Does Money Buy Happiness?

First, they say it doesn’t. Then they say it does. Then they say it doesn’t… It’s kind of like the research on whether coffee is good for you, yes and no and yes and no… Or like that saying, “If you don’t like the weather, wait 5 minutes” wherever it was. Connecticut? Doesn’t matter.

What does? Does happiness matter? Our founders thought so when they wrote in the Declaration of Independence that all people had a right to “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” And no, let’s clear this up. Happiness is not selfish. 

Research found that happier people are kinder to others, are more productive, experience physical benefits, and are more creative too.

Look at all the well-being that comes from just being happy. Just imagine what a better place the world could be if more people were. Okay, so happiness matters. But how much does it cost? As in, how much money on average do people need to have to be happy? 

Here’s an excerpt from an Investor’s Business Daily that lays it out well:

Back in 2010, for example, research by Princeton professors Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton found that emotional well-being and day-to-day happiness rise as annual income increases. But they also found that happiness leveled off and plateaued at $75,000. That’s roughly $105,000 in today’s dollars.

But a similar study in 2021 by Matthew Killingsworth, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, found that happiness continued to rise above incomes of $75,000. That suggested that higher incomes still have the potential to improve people’s day-to-day well-being. 

However, a joint research project by Kahneman and Killingsworth in 2023 found that, on average, higher incomes result in greater happiness for most people. But there’s a big exception. People who are well-off but unhappy only show more happiness up to a certain income threshold and then plateau. “If you’re rich and miserable, more money won’t help,” Killingsworth wrote in the paper.

In short, we used to think that beyond $75,000 yearly income there was little to no return on happiness, but the 2021 study showed increases in happiness beyond $75K. Unless, and this is the best part, if you are already rich and still miserable, you are going to need something else.

Like what?

What About Meaning and Purpose?

Maybe this sounds a little woo-woo to you, although I have to say a lot of clients have talked with me about how much they believe a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives would make them happier.

And they are onto something there. Studies show that a sense of purpose contributes to:

• Mental Health and Overall Well-being
• Better Cognitive Functioning, Longevity
• Better Stress Management and Sleep
• Fewer Heart Attacks, Strokes, and Dementia
• Healthier Lifestyle Choices, Less Loneliness
• Happier and More Productive Work

 And, not only that, researchers found that “Participants who reported a higher sense of purpose had higher levels of household income and net worth initially, and were more likely to increase on these financial outcomes over the nine years between assessments.”

This sounds good. So, what is it?

Purpose is: “An abiding intention to achieve a long-term goal that is both personally meaningful and makes a positive mark on the world.”

And yet, one study finds that “only 25% of American adults say they have a clear sense of purpose about what makes their lives meaningful.” And money can’t buy that.

How to Find Meaning and Purpose

The researchers found these low-to-no-income indigenous and local communities, sprinkled throughout the world, to be on average about as happy (6.8 on a scale of 1-10) as the average for the U.S. (7.0). But they did not know why.

I would not be surprised at all if it turned out to be that the simplicity of their lives fosters greater closeness to each other and their values—accounting for their happiness despite their lack of financial wealth.

This also suggests that what we are looking for is already there right inside of us.  It’s just so noisy in there that it’s hard to hear. Naturally, I am going to suggest falling still when you can whatever way you prefer to quiet things down inside enough to hear what bubbles up on what matters to you.

For a prompt, you may want to take this simple assessment tool: The Life Values Inventory. Then you can align how you actually live your life with your values, to give yourself the gift of meaning and purpose—that is, if you haven’t already.

To close for now with a quote from an earlier post:

The Real Measure of Your Wealth Is How Much You’d Be Worth if You Lost All Your Money. ~ Unknown

For help with this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

About the Coffee

Not clear if Science Daily reposted an earlier finding on the benefits of coffee because October 1^st was International Coffee Day, or if the latest post is a follow-up to the study I posted on back in April. In any case, Science Daily does a nice job, I think, keeping us current on whether we should or shouldn’t drink coffee, as below:

Good News for Coffee Lovers: Daily Coffee May Benefit the Heart Mar. 24, 2022 — Drinking coffee — particularly two to three cups a day — is not only associated with a lower risk of heart disease and dangerous heart rhythms but also with living longer, according to recent …

Coffee Lovers, Rejoice! Drinking More Coffee Associated With Decreased Heart Failure Risk Feb. 9, 2021 — An analysis of three large, well-known heart disease studies found drinking one or more cups of caffeinated coffee was associated with decreased heart failure risk. Drinking decaffeinated coffee did …

Higher Coffee Intake May Be Linked to Lower Prostate Cancer Risk Jan. 11, 2021 — Drinking several cups of coffee every day may be linked to a lower risk of developing prostate cancer, suggests a pooled data analysis of the available …

Coffee Not as Bad for Heart and Circulatory System as Previously Thought June 3, 2019 — A new study shows that drinking coffee isn’t as bad for our arteries as some previous studies would suggest. The research has shown that drinking coffee, including in people who drink up to 25 cups a …

In general, the happy news is that, even though we may have had it previously pounded into our heads that coffee is not all that good for us, it has been a while since I have seen anything other than good news for coffee lovers. As previously posted:

Benefits of Coffee

Great news! Coffee is good for us again. It was, then it wasn’t, then it was, then it wasn’t, and now it is again. Hooray for me! Read on to see what’s right for you.

Multiple studies with half a million participants over 10 years found that:

…having two to three cups of coffee a day was associated with the greatest benefit, translating to a 10%-15% lower risk of developing coronary heart disease, heart failure, a heart rhythm problem, or dying for any reason.

And, it’s not just the caffeine:

People often equate coffee with caffeine, but coffee beans actually have over 100 biologically active compounds. These substances can help reduce oxidative stress and inflammation, improve insulin sensitivity, boost metabolism, inhibit the gut’s absorption of fat and block receptors known to be involved with abnormal heart rhythms…

But What Kind of Coffee?

I should mention that the studies were UK based, which means it was UK not US coffee, and there are differences. As with most of Europe, there is a UK preference for espresso, although they do serve filtered coffee, which is what American coffee is called there.

The studies did suggest that it made little difference whether it was ground versus instant, and that caffeinated was better than decaf.

Remember when we thought decaf was better? Science Daily quotes the authors of the UK studies: 

Clinicians generally have some apprehension about people with known cardiovascular disease or arrhythmias continuing to drink coffee, so they often err on the side of caution and advise them to stop drinking it altogether due to fears that it may trigger dangerous heart rhythms,” Kistler said. “But our study shows that regular coffee intake is safe and could be part of a healthy diet for people with heart disease.

The authors included recommendations for future research on some of the limitations of the studies. As only a couple of examples, the participants were all white, and the studies did not differentiate whitening of the coffee with creamers and such either.

So, although sounds like great news for coffee lovers, because we are all so different, it is always a good idea to check with your own physician on the best way to proceed for you.

And When to Drink It?

Now, if we are going to drink coffee, when exactly should we drink it?  Science says we should wait about an hour after wake-up to have that first cup. The reason has to do with something I have posted on before:

And it’s called CAR for Cortisol Awakening Response: “During the first 30 to 45 minutes that you are awake each day, cortisol levels spike, a phenomenon known as CAR, which can make you feel more stressed in the morning.”

As with most annoying things, there is likely a good reason why it’s so common, which is to say hardwired in, usually to help us survive and thrive. 

In this case, the survival advantage would be that CAR activates our alertness and readiness for whatever chaos is waiting to pounce on that day. But too much of a good thing can be crippling, especially for the those whose cortisol is on already on high to begin with. 

Some of us are more jittery in the morning than others and, for those who are, it is a good idea to wait until the early morning cortisol settles down, so the caffeine doesn’t increase the jitters.

Waiting also isolates and protects caffeine’s beneficial jolt in energy and concentration from clashing with, and being subdued by, the early morning cortisol.

All of the above was all about the coffee. And again, researchers want us to know that it’s not all about the caffeine because there are more than 100 non-caffeine biological components in coffee likely playing a big role.

But now I’m thinking there may well be something else going on separate from the coffee per se, whether it be ground, instant, caffeinated, non-caffeinated biological, whatever.

Not About the Coffee

The coffee drinking experience can bring happiness; for example, as great way to start the day, with a warm and yummy cup of java, if that’s your thing. Just this past week, a lovely woman talked with me about wanting to get a nice coffee machine. She talked about the expense, as part of a larger scarcity versus abundance mindset exploration.  

A psychological and financial cost benefit analysis revealed that the enjoyment she gets out of the whole process of preparing a really nice cup of coffee to start the day, was well worth the expense that, in reality, she realized she could more than afford.

Based on the “Relationship Building for Your Money and You” exercise at the end of Chapter 8 in Getting to G.R.E.A.T., the investment in coffee seemed a fine low risk way to begin to build a more sensible and satisfying relationship with her money going forward—a way to spend her money and enjoy it with her anxiety in check.

She also mentioned how much she enjoys meeting friends for coffee at the café, which can also become expensive, so she built in a once-a-week plan to include that happiness in her life too.

Pretty down in the dumps when I first met her, here she is now well on her way to a happier, healthier life—and it’s certainly not only about the coffee and its biological compounds. It’s about happiness too.

What’s In It For You

Happiness is also good for the heart:

Mounting evidence shows an association between happiness and heart health. Being happy may decrease the likelihood of developing cardiovascular disease—and reduce its risks if you already have it. No matter the condition of your heart, it seems to be in better shape overall when you have a smile on your face.

So, unless you and your doctor know of a reason why coffee is not right for you, if it puts a smile on your face, go for it.  Then, if you are going to drink it, how about making it a thing, making sure you enjoy it, just in case the enjoyment per se really is where some of the health benefits are. And then, let us know what you find. Practice, practice, practice…and see what happens.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine

Photo by Pexels Ekrulila        

Bruce thought his problem was that he didn’t have enough money until I got a hold of him, and then got a hold of himself. In no time at all, he realized 1) no amount of money would get rid of the negativity that had a life of its own inside his head, and 2) that the negativity was exactly what was making it hard for him to grow and enjoy anything, including the love and the money in his life.

Scarcity v Abundance Mentality

In 1989, Steven Covey, in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, introduced us to the idea of Scarcity versus Abundance Mindsets. Simply put, scarcity thinking sees life as a pie. If I take a piece there is that much less for you. And vice versa. Win-lose all the way around. Abundance mentality sees plenty out there for everyone, unlimited possibilities to grow the pie.

I was able to find research that positivity is associated with better health and 7.5 years longer lives, but had trouble finding any stats on the actual relationship between abundance thinking and wealth. Maybe it’s in Think and Grow Rich but that wouldn’t be all that current, so If anyone has a stat on this please let me know.

Meanwhile, it is a widely held belief these days that the link is there. Thus, the assertions of so many business development gurus that business success is 80%, if not 100%, mindset. “Life is what our thoughts make it,” as the great Stoic, Marcus Aurelius, has said.

What’s even more interesting, however, at least to me, is all the many people who are actually living in abundance and don’t even know it, can’t even feel it, so what’s even the point.

Living in abundance with a scarcity mindset is a real thing. And it hurts. Just this week I had a conversation with a financial services business owner who told me she thinks this abundance wrapped in scarcity is rampant with her clients. Why, why, why should this even be?

Origins of Scarcity Mentality

To help with this question, here is an excerpt from Getting to G.R.E.A.T.: 5-Step Strategy for Work and Life:

Sibling Rivalry at work? You bet. In the mammalian world, since procreation is the thing, a mother nurses her offspring until it begins to appear that the offspring has become better able to find its own food. At that point, it becomes a better parental investment for her to be spending herself and her calories suckling a newer younger sibling. Since she cannot even make a new baby until she has stopped nursing, at some point mothers wean their young to prepare for bearing a subsequent offspring, even if they do not exactly have one. “The young mammal puts up a holy stink, hounding the mother for access to the teat for weeks or months before acquiescing.” Bottle-fed babies put up a holy stink too. And this could well be the holy stink you see at work. Bear with me here.

By this account, we all wanted to take more than our parents wanted to give, the implication of which is staggering. Could it be that somewhere within each and every one of us lives a deep seated and too easily triggered experience of having wanted more than we got, that and a keen eye for who else might be getting some or more of whatever it is we want. No matter if you were an only child, you got weaned too, left wanting something you couldn’t have because of some other kid who may never even have materialized. You got weaned out anyway. And far be it for you to just sit there and watch someone else at work getting more recognition, a better title, better pay, an office with a window, a hug from the alpha male, or the alpha female, or whatever. Not without your feeling at least a twinge on some occasion of something you wish you didn’t feel, and more than likely wouldn’t tell anyone that you did.

You were not asking for that much. All we ever really wanted was to be the center of the universe forever more and, when that doesn’t happen, someone can throw a fit, a fit with legs. Take baboons:

…50% of aggression is displacement aggression onto an innocent bystander. A male loses a fight, chases a sub adult male, who bites a juvenile, who chases an adult female,            who slaps an infant—and almost everyone feels better afterwards.

So we are hardwired for this scarcity mentality. But what a shame for the people who suffer it most, not just for the individuals suffering needlessly, but for everyone else in their lives too. They tend to be worried, worrying, stingy, essentially no fun to be around, and not the best people to help others grow into their own happier, healthier, productive lives.

3 Simple Steps to Turn Scarcity Around

But, of course, it doesn’t have to be like this. It may be natural, but we can dial it down. So how can people who suffer and inflict a scarcity amid abundance mentality turn this around?

1. Focus  on What You HAVE. Not just your money, your property, your career, your business if you have some of that. Not just the sun and the stars. The art, architecture, music, nature…freely available all around you. Personal achievements, experiences, relationships. The list is endless, you will see. Practice living in “I have.” Oh wait, that makes your feel guilty? Because not everyone else has what you do. Fine, that’s #2.
2. Manage Your Guilt. Remember that your unhappiness helps no one. In fact, it hurts people, including you, but definitely not just you. Your happiness is not your guilty pleasure. It makes you a better spouse, parent, employer, coworker, neighbor, citizen of the world…something you owe to everyone else. See if that helps.
3. Choose Good Company. We are the average of the people we hang out with. Mindsets are contagious. Surround yourself with people who live with an abundance mindset. Create the world you want to live in—a place where people live in a mindset of abundance—with abundant gratitude and generosity—a mindset of plenty for all.

See if this works, and let us know what you think.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

So Much To Decide

Of the 35,000 “remotely conscious” decisions we make every day, 226.7 of them are about food alone.

That 226.7 seems low to me and other people I know (I asked them). Then again, we also have to decide:

• What to wear for which part of what day
• What tasks we will plan to accomplish
• Who we will engage with socially, to do what
• How much money to save, where to save it, how to spend it, where to donate it
• What to do for work, where to do it, how to do it
• Whether to have children, how many, where they go to school, who they play with
• Whether, when, how often to call your mother
• Whether to take the umbrella today
• On and on it goes, with no end in sight, ever…

So it’s a lot.

We could also discuss what is meant by “remotely conscious,” and when we think it’s best to go with our gut or put some more conscious thought into the mix. But I am making a decision that, for this post, I would like to focus on the cost of working decisions too hard, and what we can do instead.

Working Decisions Too Hard

Maybe you think that, the harder the decision, the more time you should spend making it? Think again. Consider (Jean) Buridan’s Ass, a philosophical thought experiment that dates at least as far back as Aristotle, and goes something like this:

An equally hungry and thirsty donkey, placed exactly halfway between a stack of hay and a pail of water, cannot decide which way to go. Paralyzed with indecision and, therefore, approaching neither the food nor the drink while he tries to decide, the donkey dies.

Wonderful, isn’t it. And to back it up, an article entitled Irrational Time Allocation in Decision-Making reported on fast moving, less accurate bees winding up with more nectar than the slower, more accurate bees; and human subjects earning greater rewards (snack food, dollars) when a deadline was imposed on the subjects to break any deadlock like the one suffered by the ass.

What Makes Decisions Hard

Sometimes decisions are hard because there is roughly equal risk and reward on either side. You’ve heard of buyer’s remorse, happens less when the one you bought was a lot better than the one you didn’t. But when it was ‘six of one, half a dozen of the other’, it’s tougher, because we are often so fearful of getting it wrong, making a mistake.

But the real mistake is in the overthinking itself, because it is so expensive. So, for example, while you were going back and forth in your head afraid to make a mistake, someone else stepped up to the plate and took your one that got away – a home, a mate, the job, whatever it was that you obliterated out of existence by overthinking it, just like the donkey.

So here is something I live, breath, and teach: It is not the decisions we make but what we make of these decisions once we have made them that makes all the difference in our lives.

What a delight it is to bear witness to the new decisions my clients make – new homes, new jobs, new wellness habits, new love interests – often without even talking about these particular decisions directly in our work.

All because they all of a sudden realize they can do this – they can make new decisions in their lives and feel all the better for it because they now know, love, and trust the self in charge.

So when you decide to make a change, decide also to make it work — if for no other reason than just to know you can. And then do it again. Decide. Commit, Repeat. Practice, practice, practice…and see what happens.

Warmest Wishes,

Madelaine

Getting to G.R.E.A.T. 5-Step Strategy for Work and Life…Based on Science and Stories

One study found that 86% of employees would like help with financial wellness, but financial wellness doesn’t even appear among the 7 types of wellness we typically hear about (physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, occupational, the latter still not about money).

My maternal grandmother wholly owned and operated a successful business back in the day when not a lot of women did. She had to have known something about money. My mother ran the numbers for a good-sized payroll for our family business, out loud, without a calculator, at the kitchen table as if she were speaking in tongue. And, I cannot recall having a single conversation with either one of these two women, nor anyone else for that matter, about how I would take care of myself when I grew up. Although, now that I think of it, to her credit, Grandmom Bessie did play Monopoly with me a lot.

Maybe some parents tend not to talk with their kids about money because their parents didn’t talk with them. I also imagine some parents don’t want the kids to know about family finances because they are afraid it will worry the kids, and also get out the door. Little pitchers have big ears—and mouths. Do you really want your neighbors to know your net worth or your income? And if not, why not? Shame and fear, that’s why not. Shame over what we don’t have, shame over what we do have, and fear over who will think and do what about what we do or don’t have.

The Whitehall Studies on social position and health support the Hobbesian view of human nature as a war of all against all. To survive and prosper you have to do better than others. In a world of scarce resources, survival depends on constantly striving to outdo your fellow human beings.

Shameful indeed, to even consider such a thing about ourselves, let alone to expose it to anyone else. So, money talk is pretty much, all around, taboo. As one mentor put it when I was in training, “You’ll be able to talk with people about just about anything, including their sex lives, but try talking to them about their money!” The taboo is not new, and likely not going away anytime soon, unless we do something about it ourselves.

The Whitehall Studies began in 1967, before we had Facebook and FOMO, but you get the idea. Same, Same. Humans are comparing animals, as ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ affirms.

But guess what: Thoughts are not facts. You are not your money. And your money is not you. Heaven help us all if, in reality, there is not more to us than that. Yes, it is true, according to the American Psychological Association’s 2020 report on Stress in the Time of Covid, that “The economy is reported as a significant source of stress by 7 in 10 adults (70%).” And the National Endowment for Financial Education reported 9 in 10 Americans feeling anxious about money right now.

All the more reason to be talking about it, with family…or friends, colleagues, a mindset professional, your financial advisor if you have one, and there are also lots of good books to inform those conversations, even if the conversation is with yourself. In other words, there is plenty of good support to go around that can really make a difference—once we can get over our inherent shame and fear enough to break the money talk taboo.

Madelaine Claire Weiss, LICSW, MBA, BCC is a licensed Psychotherapist,  Board-Certified Executive, Career, Life Coach, and author of Getting to G.R.E.A.T: 5-Step Strategy for Work and Life…Based on Science and Stories.

Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash