How Heavy Is It?

Maybe you’ve heard this story. It’s so good. Bears repeating. Here goes…

A professor once held up a glass of water and asked the class that very question.

“Eight ounces?” someone guessed. “Maybe twelve?” another said.

The teacher smiled and replied, “It doesn’t matter how heavy it is. What matters is how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s fine. An hour, my arm will ache. A day, and I’ll collapse. The weight doesn’t change—but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels.”

We’ve all heard versions of this story before—but it bears repeating because every one of us carries invisible glasses of our own. The worries, the deadlines, the what ifs. The longer we hold them, the heavier they feel.

It’s Not What Happens, It’s How We Hold It

Modern science is catching up with that timeless lesson. Stress, it turns out, isn’t just about what happens to us—it’s about how we hold what happens.

The American College of Lifestyle Medicine (2025) defines stress as a whole-body experience involving biology, psychology, and environment. When a challenge arises, hormones like cortisol and adrenaline surge to help us act. But when the “on” switch stays stuck, the system wears down. Chronic stress has been linked to inflammation, sleep problems, depression, and heart disease.

Even more interesting, recent research shows that how we interpret stress can change its impact. People who view stress as a signal to pause, breathe, and regroup recover faster than those who see it as purely harmful. Mindset matters—not just emotionally, but biologically.

Why It Feels Heavier Now

If you’ve felt more tense lately, you’re far from alone. A 2025 Managed Healthcare Executive report found that workplace stress and performance pressure are at record highs. “Nearly one in four young adults now report significant symptoms of burnout, according to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America report.”

Outside of work, families are facing what The Guardian called a “stress crisis” tied to financial, health, and housing insecurity. And our kids and grandkids aren’t immune—student surveys show rising anxiety about everything from grades to global issues.

It’s as if everyone is holding their glass just too long.

What Happens When We Don’t Put the Glass Down

When stress becomes chronic, the nervous system forgets what “safe” feels like. The body stays on high alert—tight muscles, shallow breathing, scattered focus. It’s adaptive for a moment but exhausting over time.

Think of cortisol like caffeine: a little helps you focus; a constant drip leaves you jittery, sleepless, and drained. That’s the allostatic load—the wear and tear the body endures when recovery never happens.

As a psychotherapist and coach, I’ve seen how invisible this load can be. People think they’re fine until one small frustration—the email, the delay, the disagreement—tips them over. It’s not the event that breaks them; it’s the weight of everything they’ve been holding all along.

5 Science-Backed Ways to Lighten the Load

The good news is that stress is one of the most modifiable health risks we face. We can’t avoid all triggers, but we can change how we respond to them.

1. Small Pauses, Big Payoff

The 2025 UCS found that even five-minute “micro-moments” of rest—breathing, stretching, or quiet reflection—significantly improved mood and lowered perceived stress. You don’t need an hour of meditation; one mindful minute, repeated often, counts.

2. Move the Body, Free the Mind

Exercise remains one of the most powerful stress relievers. A brisk walk can lower cortisol within 20 minutes. Don’t think of movement as another task—think of it as emptying the glass a little before it spills.

3. Social Connect

The ACLM now recognizes social connection as a core pillar of stress management. A laugh with a friend, a quick call, or a shared meal all help to regulate hormones through oxytocin and parasympathetic activation.

4. Reframe, Don’t Deny

Pushing stress away doesn’t work—it just lodges deeper. Try naming it instead: This is stress, and my body’s doing its job. That simple acknowledgment engages the thinking brain and restores perspective.

5. Sleep Is Sacred

No amount of coffee can outthink a tired brain. Rest is recovery, not laziness. Quality sleep restores hormonal balance, clears emotional clutter, and lets the body repair the damage stress can cause.

For practical tips, the CDC’s “Managing Stress” guide offers accessible ways to reset during the day. And here is a fav of mine called One-Touch that I have written about before

The Challenge for High-Achievers

Many high-achievers—especially those who care deeply about doing things right—resist rest because it feels unproductive. But rest isn’t idleness; it’s essential maintenance.

When you rest, your nervous system recalibrates. Your thinking sharpens. Your ability to make decisions improves. Your emotional bandwidth returns.
And the problems that felt overwhelming suddenly become workable again.

The Reframe: Stress Isn’t the Villain

What if it’s a message rather than the villain we think it is?

What if it’s a message that Something needs attention. Maybe it’s too much, too fast, or too constant. When we listen, we can adjust. When we ignore it, it only grows louder.

The point isn’t to live a stress-free life—that’s not realistic. The point is to recognize it for what it is: information, not identity.

The weight of the glass, after all, was never the problem. The problem was forgetting or refusing to put it down.

The Real Lesson

Ask yourself: What’s in your glass today?

What thoughts, worries, or responsibilities are you carrying today that you could set down for another day, if not forever?

Take a breath. Stretch your shoulders. Call someone who makes you laugh. Step outside and feel the air. The science is clear: we were never meant to hold everything all the time.

So find something to set down. Rest your arm. You can always pick it back up if and when that’s the right thing to do.

And for help with this or something else contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

What is a Dream?

Is anyone else having a lot of dreams lately? I am, mostly about trying to help people who are not even in my life anymore. It is easy to see why, in these times, I might be wishing I could help people I cannot reach, but how are dreams about it supposed to help? And, if they are supposed to help, how can I help my dreams to help me more?

People ask these questions about play too. Like dreams, play is something we do separate from the more important things we do in life, as if dreaming and playing are pastimes that don’t really have any useful purpose in and of themselves. But that’s not right.

From an earlier post: “In fact, Harvard researchers have found that play not only relieves stress but improves brain function, stimulates the mind, boosts creativity, improves relationships, builds energy and resistance to disease.”

In the words of performance coach, Joe Robinson, on play:

“It’s the brain’s reset button. This tonic we write off as trivial is a crucial engine of well-being. In its low-key, humble way, play yanks grownups out of their purposeful sleepwalk to reveal the animating spirit within. You are alive, and play will prove it to you.”

Yes, that’s right, we sleepwalk. With the mind wandering all over the place 70% of the time, what else would we call it? Sleepwalking. Which brings us to dreaming. Dreaming is:

• Hallucinatory experience common to all human beings. It occurs most often during the paradoxical phase of sleep, known as the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) phase.
• Mental imagery or activity that occur when you sleep.

Dreams are a kind of fiction or make-pretend, like play:

Play may be a means by which individuals: practice skills that are essential to their survival and reproduction; learn to cope physically and emotionally with unexpected, potentially harmful events; generate new, sometimes useful creations; and reduce hostility and enable cooperation.

There is research to suggest that dreams are another great way for our brains to do more of the same, so let’s move on to that.

Why Do We Dream?

The threat simulation hypothesis of the function of dreaming holds that:

In the ancestral environment human life was short and full of threats. Any behavioral advantage in dealing with highly dangerous events would have increased the probability of reproductive success. A dream-production mechanism that tends to select threatening waking events and simulate them over and over again in various combinations would have been valuable for the development and maintenance of threat-avoidance skills.

Tufts researcher, Erik Hoel, mentions other theories on how dreams help us with memory, emotional regulation, and problem-solving—and adds one of his own. Hoel’s idea is that, since reptiles do not dream while mammals do, dreaming has something to do with a higher-level learning to survive.  

His idea is that our dreams can help knock us out of what he calls “overfit” thinking, the routinized, locked in manner of meeting life challenges and tasks that is not particularly open to adaptive upgrades.  

So, it’s good, then? Even if it is unpleasant, maybe especially if it is unpleasant, it is good when we dream? And is there something we are supposed to do with our dreams? I took a look at that. 

How Can We Use Dreams?

I did something with mine that I want to tell you about. Before I get to that, I assume most if not all have heard about dream interpretation.

For this, here is a great article from the Sleep Foundation on what Freud and others have had to say, in case you are interested in that sort of thing. The article also offers guidance on 4 specific dream themes: Teeth Falling Out, Sex and Cheating, Natural Disaster, and Falling.

Other researchers are exploring something called Lucid Dreams, during which time the sleeper is actually aware of the dream, and can even exert control over the environment right there in the dream.

WebMD posted on the benefits of lucid dreaming, including reduced anxiety and improved motor skills, problem-solving, and creativity. But the same post mentioned that there are potential downsides as well, including sleep interruption, and confusion that can be serious enough to affect mental health. 

So, I think I am going to pass, and recommend here that you do too, unless you work with a professional to help make sure there will not be more harm than good done.

Now, here is what I did with my own dream about trying to help where I cannot. Just for fun, I watch Instagram reels. There was one with a nice man who invited the viewer to do a visualization exercise with him, which typically I scroll past because I prefer the reels that make me laugh. Only this time I went with him.

His prompt involved a little bit of breathwork and then visualization of walking through a door, with a trusted other on the other side. I presented my dream theme to the trusted other, who said, “You take care of you; others will figure that out.” The weight of the world shifted off of my shoulders to where it belonged.

So, if you are noticing your own dream activity, this is something you can also try, then Practice, practice, practice…and let us know what you find. For help with this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com 

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

Why Should You Make A New Habit?

Here’s why: September is Self-Improvement Month, and making new habits is a really great way to improve yourself and your life. Maybe you thought you had ‘til January 1st to upgrade yourself and your life. But the National Calendar says the time is now.

After all, for many people the resolutions they made in January have failed by now anyway, by February actually. So now would be a good time to try again.

I always want to learn and grow this time of year. People suggest vacation ideas for this time of year, the shoulder season in many terrific places, where rates are lower and crowds are thinner.

But not for me. For me, it’s ‘back to school’ season, with the days of repentance and renewal coming up too. So, I for one have had enough vacation, gorgeous as it was. Right now, I just want to learn and grow—and improve.

Last year, for self-improvement month, I posted a few fun facts:

– National Day Calendar charges between $2,300 – $4,000 to approve a national day you may want to pitch. 

– Organizations began promoting self-improvement in the 1980s, becoming a national event by 1988.

– The U.S. Spends $10.4 Billion/Year on Self-Improvement.

– The market includes:

• Books
• Audiobooks
• Infomercials
• Motivational speakers
• Public seminars
• Workshops
• Holistic institutes
• Personal Coaching
• Weight loss programs
• Apps
• Internet courses
• Training organizations and more

…for topics, such as:

• Weight loss/exercise
• Business/sales skills
• Business opportunities/investing
• Improving relationships
• and general motivational

– In 2019, 40% of the personal development revenue went to coaching/training, followed by e-learning at 30%.

For an update on this earlier posting, consider this more recent graphic:

The global self-improvement market is estimated to reach $56.66 billion by 2027.

So personal/professional development is going strong. And one of the reasons for this just might be that growing is fun and feels good—the best antidote I know for feeling bad.

The tree wants to grow. The bird wants to fly. And so do humans. And when they don’t, they can get depressed.

So many clients have thought that their misery was the job, the spouse, the money or lack thereof, the whatever outside of themselves…when it turned out to be, simply put, that they were bored.

These clients, and so many people in general, cling to ‘same ole same ole’ habits of living that suck the excitement and enjoyment out of their lives.

It’s not that habits are bad, and we will get to what’s really good about them. It is more that old habits need to make way for the new to help us to grow and feel alive.  

And that is why making new habits is a great way to kick off September, Self-Improvement Month. So, what is a habit? And how can we make and sustain a new one? 

What is a Habit?

From LiveScience:

A habit is a behavior that has become automatic, according to a 2019 article published in the Oxford Research Encyclopedia. Habits can be formed and eliminated deliberately or unintentionally. We may not even be aware of some of these behaviors. 

Habits help us a lot. Consider the barrage of information we face every day, “equivalent to reading 500 pages of information or an entire encyclopedia every minute.”

Because it would be humanly impossible to process all of that information consciously, we have habits or automatic and easily repeatable actions and behaviors that we don’t have to waste any energy thinking about.

That’s great, but some of those habits were put there by the 5-year-old you used to be—no doubt cute and smart, and very much meaning well by you—but a 5-year-old nonetheless.

And, really, how much do we want a 5-year-old in charge of our lives?

At the very least, it may be time for a review of the major life-shaping habits of your life; like sleep, diet, exercise, or work habits, and the like.

I know people who know their lives would be better if only they…but they don’t. Often, it is more like a 2-year-old just saying “NO, I can do whatever I want,” and to assert themselves, they defy whatever it is they think is right. 

Basically then, any new behavior is going to have to be directed consciously and willfully by you. This means that if you wait until you ‘feel like it’, which a lot of people do, the day and the desired lifestyle change may never, ever come. 

So how can we create and maintain a new habit to improve ourselves and our lives?

How We Create and Maintain a New Habit for Self-Improvement

Bear in mind that this does night happen overnight. It can begin overnight but takes time to lock into your basal ganglia, where it takes on that easy automatic life of its own that you don’t even have to think about.

We have heard that it takes 21 days to make a habit. But this was speculation in the 1960s, not science, from a cosmetic surgeon, Maxwell Maltz, who believed that’s how long it took his patients to change the mental image of their new look. 

More recent studies have found between 18 and 254 days to make a habit (an average of 66 days), depending on motives, resources, self-regulation, and environmental, social, and biological influences.

So, let’s say you want to establish a more consistent sleep routine. This is, by the way, an excellent idea. And consistency with this and any new habit is key. 

How long it will take is anyone’s guess, but you will know you are getting there when it takes less effort to do the new behavior, and in fact, you feel uncomfortable if you don’t.

Consistency is what plants it into your brain. Repetition is what builds the neural connections deeply in your brain that make it easy and automatic for you to upgrade in this way.

Other suggestions in addition to consistency and repetition include:

• Start small. Manageable and measurable. You can always increase over time.
• Pair with something related. What are you eating and drinking before you get into bed? Screentime? Anything in there you want to tweak at the same time?
• Is there a reward you want to pair with your new behavior? Something that delights you? Or with sleep, let’s say, is how good you feel with this new way of doing your sleep reward enough for you?
• What about a Buddy? Or some other form of accountability support system, like coaching, or e-learning—to help maintain whatever new habit(s) you want to invite into your life.\ 

Above all, I would say know your WHY—your very own reason for wanting to take on the effort that this will be until it takes hold—because this is what will keep you from rebelling against and defeating yourself. 😉 

Practice, practice, practice…see what happens and let us know. 

Warmly,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

Why Nap?

Science Daily reported on a study that found regular daytime napping to slow down the brain shrinkage that can happen as we age — “equivalent to 2.6 to 6.5 years of ageing.”

That sounds like a very good thing and is only one of a long list of benefits. The Sleep Foundation defines a nap as “a short period of sleep that usually occurs during the day,” and details some of the benefits as follows:

– Restore energy and reduce fatigue

– Boost work performance

– Improve cognitive functions, such as logic, memory, and ability to complete complex tasks

– Improve physical performance, such as endurance and reaction times

– Relieve stress and support the immune system

Following the rabbit down the hole, one study found an association between frequent napping and high blood pressure/stroke. As the article points out, it is unclear, however, which comes first. That is, daytime sleeping can be a symptom of an underlying condition rather than its cause.

This association with illness may be one reason for stigma and resistance, and there are others.

Resistance to Napping

According to one survey, ~34% of U.S. adults report taking a nap during a normal day, more old than young, with 20-60% of older adults around the world napping.

Always a good idea to check with your doctor about these things. Still, the idea that napping is associated with illness and old age might be a deterrent for people who might benefit.

Another deterrent or stigma is that not all cultures support daytime sleeping. Siesta cultures, e.g., some Mediterranean, Latin American, and Middle Eastern cultures have a long-standing tradition, known as the siesta. The siesta is a midday break to rest and recharge. In these cultures, napping is a widely accepted and encouraged cultural norm. No stigma there.

But even though I have written before on calls for napping times and spaces in the U.S. workplace, that ‘innovation’ can be easier said than done in more work-oriented cultures that prioritize work and productivity, Countries like the United States, Japan, and South Korea often have work environments that emphasize long hours and high productivity levels. So, napping at the workplace may be viewed as a sign of laziness or unprofessionalism in these cultures, although attitudes are gradually changing.

And now, with so many working from home, it is not at all clear that it would feel any more legitimate and less stigmatized to nap at work at home.

Plus, people are busy. Where is that 20 minutes coming from? Or you may worry that if you don’t do it right, you could altogether mess up your nighttime sleep, which can be true.

So, for people already napping, or people who want to start, let’s take a look at some tips for getting this right for you.

Tips for Napping

From The Sleep Foundation:

How Long? Naps should be 20 or no more than 30 minutes. One reason for this is the sleep cycle, i.e., making sure we don’t wake up in the middle of a deep sleep that tends to occur later on in the cycle. Waking out of a deep sleep would leave us groggy and even more tired. And, one study found that napping more than 60 minutes a day was associated with developing Type 2 diabetes.

When? The post-lunch dip is part of our natural circadian rhythm, which works nicely with the recommendation to nap 8 or more hours before bedtime so we don’t mess up our nighttime sleep.

Where? Cool, dark, and quiet makes a good sleep environment. Interestingly, they recommend the bedroom if we are at home, and to set an alarm so we actually get up. But I am not sure  that day time bed time helps overcome the old age, laziness, and illness-related stigma problems, so I am thinking sofa in the living room for a quick nap instead. But that’s just me.

How? At the beginning of developing a napping habit, experiment with timing, location, and duration. You may also want to keep a napping log to help track your fatigue and energy levels before and after specific variations on your nap. Or you may want to keep it simple, and just take a nap.

And Get This!  Caffeine Naps. Can you even believe they mentioned drinking coffee just before your nap because the caffeine doesn’t kick in for 30 minutes so, between the caffeine and the nap, we can wake up with an extra special energy bolt. Who knew?

Of course, if you are regularly not sleeping well at night and compensating with naps, or feel you are napping excessively, there could be something else going on for you to talk with your doctor about.

And, for help with this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Warmly,

Madelaine

Photo by FreePik

The Stress Situation.

Sounds simple. Eat well. Sleep well. Most of us know this. Many don’t do this—and then complain about being stressed.

Not everyone is complaining about stress. CNN’s Harry Enten reported on 7/16/22 that, although 77% of respondents think the country is going in the wrong direction, 73% said they actually experienced “a lot of happiness yesterday.”

Still, The American Institute of Stress wants us to know that the “global pandemic, inflation, money issues and the war in Ukraine have pushed U.S. stress to alarming levels.” And then there are the everyday issues and challenges likely made even harder in the context of all of that other stress.

The American Institute of Stress reports “94% of workers reporting feeling stress at work.” Since this is a 2022 report, I am not sure what “at work” means exactly, or whether they meant to say “about work” instead.

So, for example, one client wants to scale his business. His method is harder not smarter, as he goes all day without food, “no time to eat,” and then works like a dog on his home office computer smack up until he tries to go to sleep but can’t.

Another just lost a family member. She has what they call “Grief Brain” and can’t seem to focus on any of her work/life goals anymore because the normal grieving and healing process impacts concentration and cognition, making it hard to focus on anything other than her grief. Knowing that this is normal should help her.

But guess what she’s been doing up to this point in an effort to help herself. She has been self-medicating with a Schedule 1 substance that is completely messing up the food and sleep that could help nourish her back to health. She has lost weight, is not sleeping, and wondering if and when she will ever feel well again. Not like that she won’t, so we are going to turn that around.

If you happen to be curious about how stressed you might be, you can go here and take the Rosch Stress Profiler or Stress Mastery Questionnaire to stress test yourself. In any case, you get the idea—people faced with ordinary life challenges in a world of relentless uncertainty—are trying to get through the day in the best ways they know how.

And I just found some data on food that I think could help.

Science Backed Stress Remedies

One study showed how much food impacts mood. That is, people who ate more nutrient poor savoury snacks (crisps) tended to be more anxious and have more cognitive failures (e.g., forgetting), which then made them more anxious.

Fruit, on the other hand, not how much but how often we ate fruit, seemed to correlate well lower depression and higher mental well-being scores. Interestingly, the benefits were not as true for vegetables, which showed no direct link with psychological health. The thinking here is that the benefits to psychological health of the veggies might have gotten cooked out of the equation, since more vegetables than fruit are eaten cooked.

Bear in mind that poor eating disrupts sleep—and vice versa—so it’s important to take care of both. Here and here are a couple of posts I wrote myself with some science on sleep. And there is so much on the internet about how to eat and sleep, no need to unpack that any further for now. But here’s my take.

My Own Take on Stress

Clearly, we are not all alike. Some of us need more or less sleep than others, and there are many nourishing foods from which to choose, depending on our needs and preferences over time. That said, what does not change, and I believe is true for all, is that our bodies are an instrument for our use, in our service to self and others, and it is our right and responsibility to treat it and keep it well. So, I would like to finish this up with something from an earlier post, “Utopia or Dystopia: Depends on Who’s In Charge”:

Once I attended an interfaith meeting at Harvard. The Hindu Swami gave a fantastic talk about how sometimes we have to show ourselves that we are in charge. So, for example, if you can’t imagine starting your day without coffee, take a week off, just to show the body or the coffee who’s in charge.

Maybe it’s savoury crisps. Maybe it’s simply too much of something good for you but, again, just too much. Let’s see who’s the boss in charge of our well-being during these extraordinarily stressful times. Practice, practice, practice…and let us know what you find.

Warmly,

Madelaine

Photo by Pexels Sveta Glodan

News on Sleep

That’s a new one. Elite Sleepers. And, who knew? I thought we were all supposed to sleep 8 hours per night.

Mine has been averaging more like 7 and, even though I could find 7-9 hours on the internet, I always felt a little funny about doing 7 not 8. Now I don’t, not anymore.

March 18^th (the day I wrote this post) is National Sleep Day, and March is National Sleep Awareness Month. Hence, lots of news out today on Sleep, and this one really interested me because it lets me off the hook.

And maybe you too. But not everyone is an “Elite Sleeper,” just because they are only getting 4 hours per night. It’s the quality of that sleep that counts, and the results the next day.

What the UC San Francisco researchers found is that Elite Sleepers, who can function just fine on 4-6 hours sleep, have something called Familial Natural Short Sleep (FNSS). The researchers already identified 5 genes associated with FNSS, which they say runs in families and has the potential to stave off Dementia, and potentially other diseases.

I had heard before that 6.5 hours/night was better than 7-9, but never that 4 hours per night could be perfectly okay for people with the said genes.

This is very good news, especially if you suffer wake-up worries. 

Good News for Wake-Up Worry

Clients have described in detail what happens every morning, just as they are waking up and before they get out of bed. It is as if they have an every day visit from their demons, their negative intrusive thoughts, always there, first thing in the morning, trying to ruin the day.

The 2022 Global Sleep Surveys reported that 45% of workers said they got more sleep working from home, and 48% of those who do work from home said they thought they it would be harder to get up once they do return to the office.

Commuting, or dread of commuting, or dread of whatever the day may bring, can contribute to these wake-up worries that plague some people every day.

From Dr Elena Touroni of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic:

And it turns out there’s a scientific reason why anxiety can be so common in the morning for some. “For most people, the stress hormone cortisol is highest in the first hour upon waking, helping us to stay alert and focused in the morning,” says Elena. “However, going to bed feeling anxious can cause cortisol levels to spike too early, which might lead you to wake up with a racing mind. Blood sugar levels are also lower first thing in the morning, which can trigger anxiety for those who are prone to it.”

So how we go to bed matters a lot, and we will get to that next. But I am just thrilled to learn that we don’t all necessarily need 8 hours sleep.

This means that—if and when you don’t like your morning thoughts—you can just get up! Doesn’t matter how many hours you have been at it. You don’t have to stay there and put up with that. “Wake Up/Get Up,” as I’ve heard the Advaita Vedantists say.

Now, what can we do the night before to help set us up for a great day, each and every day? 

Sleep Preparation

This quick list below is adapted from an earlier post, reporting on Hougaard and Carter’s study of 35,000 CEOs and their sleep;

• “Catch the melatonin wave.” The window of opportunity is when you start to feel drowsy around 10-11pm.

• “Avoid Screens.” You know this already.

• “Enjoy only perceptual activities 60 minutes before bed.” Not activities that require conceptual thinking like intense conversations. 

• “Avoid eating two hours before bed.” So we don’t activate blood and sugar flow, which keeps us alert and awake. 

• “Practice five minutes of mindfulness when you go to bed.” 

For the mindfulness suggestion, if you haven’t already, please do help yourself to the “Power Breathing” and “Breathing Room” exercises on my website. On the Home Page scroll down to the “Complimentary…” box at https:/madelaineweiss.com/

Pleasant dreams,

Madelaine

Photo by Pixels – Pixabay

Wake Up Benefits

Wake Up got messed up for a lot of people when Covid brought us new opportunities for sleeping in and napping more than ever before, unless of course the kids were crawling all over you, but that brought problems of its own.

Then again, sleep problems affecting our health and well-being is not exactly news. Neither is the idea that getting up early is the way to go. You’ve heard most or all of these:

• “It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.” (Aristotle)
• “The early birdcatcheth the worm.” (John Ray)
• “The early morning has gold in its mouth” (Ben Franklin)
• “Early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. (Ben Franklin)

In fact, Benjamin Franklin wrote a whole book on early wake up that makes it sound like one of the deadly sins if you don’t:  Early Rising: A Natural, Social, and Religious Duty.

Here’s My Take

And now I have a whole new take on why I seemed to be in much better spirits than a lot of folks during the pandemic.

Initially, I figured that, as an introvert, there was simply something easier and more peaceful about the dramatically reduced stimulation from the outside world. And, of course, it also mattered hugely that by some luck and some effort my loved ones had been spared.

I also got to pick more carefully who did and didn’t get into my life altogether. Good Company, as I like to call it, borrowing the term from the philosophy I’ve studied.

But after reading about this study on the benefits of getting up an hour earlier, I all of a sudden realized it could have been Wake Up too.

When Covid hit, I start to wake up an hour earlier because I was writing a book. I thought I wrote better early in the morning, and wanted to get that in before I started seeing clients and tending to other parts of my life.

I’ll never know for sure if that’s what kept me in such good spirits in spite of it all.

I’m guessing it was likely a combination of things, including perhaps genetic predisposition, and the rich set of life skills I’ve learned along the way of my up and down life.

But I don’t think the one hour earlier rising hurt me at all—and I am doing it and loving it still. Just as they say, when we do things enough, it becomes so natural to us, that we feel out of sorts if we don’t. Repeating new behaviors makes them self-sustaining in that way.

Wake Up and You

The authors of the study admit the study raises as many questions as it answers. For example, would those who are already early risers benefit from getting up even earlier. Or, how much of the effect is due to the increased exposure to light with an earlier rise.

And, how much of the beneficial earlier rising effect had to do with a sense of fitting in better with a society that very much prizes an early rise.

Or—and they didn’t say this exactly but I am—how much of it is just showing the self that we can make a decision and make it happen.

A Hindu Swami who gave a talk I attended at Harvard once recommended that, every once in a while, we need to show the body who’s boss. So if the body thinks it can’t live without coffee, then no coffee for a week is a great idea.

Seems to me that showing the body that it can get out of bed an hour earlier because you told it to, is something the body might just admire and thank you for. If you are not already an early riser, try it, see what happens, and let us know.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine

Photo by Kalea Jerielle on Unsplash

Not so much. That’s okay. You are not alone. Especially now, I am one of the lucky ones in the waking and sleeping department, but lots of other people are reporting waking up in a state. And it’s called CAR for Cortisol Awakening Response: 

“During the first 30 to 45 minutes that you are awake each day, cortisol levels spike, a phenomenon known as CAR, which can make you feel more stressed in the morning.”

As with most annoying things, there is likely a good reason why it’s so common, which is to say hardwired in, usually to help us survive and thrive. 

In this case, the survival advantage would be that CAR activates our alertness and readiness for whatever chaos is waiting to pounce on that day. But too much of a good thing can be crippling, especially for the those whose cortisol is on already on high to begin with. 

Too high prevents ready, willing and able to be, do, and feel much good at all—for ourselves let alone anyone else.

There are lots of tips and techniques online to tame your CAR. For example, there is guidance on acceptance, breakfast do’s and don’t’s, routines, and, I’m sorry, caution about that gorgeous cup of coffee you are looking at. Everything in moderation? I really hope that applies.

Another interesting website I found for you is called Read to Lead which offers guidance on a first thing in the morning read. This idea is part of The Morning Miracle too, but I am not sure—and you can comment below to let us know—how many people want to wake up and read?

So for those who may not like the idea of morning reading, here’s another idea. What if, before you went to bed, you made a list or mapped out your agenda for the next day. 

Be sure to include a spot in there for the “unexpected,” which is to say…be sure to expect the unexpected so you and your cortisol don’t freak out and start the cycle of anxiety all over again.

Lots of options, take your pick, practice, practice, practice…and let us know what you think and find in the comments below.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine

Brain Gardening

Exactly!!! Only I like to think about it as a garden. Let’s plant a gorgeous new garden and let the weeds in the old one just wither. Same thing as the story about the good wolf and the bad wolf. When the boy asks his grandfather which one wins, the grandfather says the one you feed.

It all works, but I prefer the garden because the brain is like a garden, and a good life is so much about caring for the brain. Look at this from Susan Warren at The Breakthrough Depot:

“Imagine your brain is a garden, except instead of growing flowers, fruits, and vegetables, you grow synaptic connections between neurons. These are the connections that neurotransmitters like dopamine, seratonin, and others travel across. ‘Glial cells’ are the gardeners of your brain—they act to speed up signals between certain neurons. But other glial cells are the waste removers, pulling up weeds, killing pests, raking up dead leaves. Your brain’s pruning gardeners are called ‘microglial cells.’ They prune your synaptic connections. The question is, how do they know which ones to prune?”

So the brain is a garden that practically gardens itself. The neural connections you work, the ones associated with the things you think and do, grow strong. What you neglect gets deleted. That’s why we have to be so careful what we plant in our minds. If the normal human brain wanders about 70% of the time, we have to take some control of what we put the mind on. Too many regrets about the past, and worries about the future, do not a good garden grow. So careful there.

Sleep Fertilizer

And then, all we have to do is sleep because that’s when the dead weeds get cleaned up. Having trouble sleeping in troubled times, or not your strong suit anyway, here is a recent post I wrote to help you sleep. And please know that if you are struggling with sleep it is more than okay to nap. Keep it short, though. I’ve heard 18 minutes, because too much of this particular good thing can make you think, feel, and perform worse.

Teamwork

A wise mentor once taught that we have to take care of who we want to take care of us, in this case our brain. We feed the brain useful thoughts, and then we sleep and let the brain do its thing. How easy is that. Practice, practice, practice…and let us know what happens.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine

We all know by now that lack of sleep does more than muddy the mind and wreck our day. The authors of this study of 35,000 CEOs, HBR’s Hougaard and Carter, point out that there are all kinds of terrible health effects associated with too little sleep, including but not limited to dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease.

This time of crisis cuts both ways on our sleep. Some people are sleeping more and better because they are spared certain pressures, e.g., commuting, what to wear, other people, and so on. I have also heard it said that everyday issues seem smaller and not as worrisome now that some really big issues are on our collective minds. ‘We are in this together’ helps some people sleep better, but not all. For some, because we don’t exactly have to get up, there is actually an increase in REM sleep now. This means that some pretty hairy dreams, fed by our circumstances, can interrupt our Zzzzs.

Not all executives sleep like an executive and, besides, Hougaard and Carter say it is a trainable skill for everyone, executive or not. So here are some of their tips:

• “Catch the melatonin wave.” The window of opportunity for an easy sleep is when you start to feel drowsy around 10-11pm.

• “Avoid Screens.” Come on, you know that. Cut it out.

• “Enjoy only perceptual activities 60 minutes before bed.” Not activities that require conceptual thinking like intense conversations. They did not mention the other thing you might be wondering about. I would imagine whether it is perceptual or conceptual depends on how you go about it.

• “Avoid eating two hours before bed.” What? Yeh, I’m sorry, activates blood and sugar flow, keeps us alert and awake. That’s what they said.

• “Practice five minutes of mindfulness when you go to bed.” Of course.

See instructions on my website, “The Breathing Room” in “Complimentary…” box pulldown at madelainweiss.com

Stay safe, and sleep well,

Madelaine