What Happened?

The other night I watched a strong and wise man tear up in the middle of his remarks.
And I completely fell apart.

It felt like something that had been building for a long time, with everything going on in the world — the noise, the uncertainty, the sense that we are all carrying more than we show.

My mother would have called it a good cry.
But these days, a lot of people don’t think there is anything good about crying at all.

3 Reasons We Don’t or Won’t Cry

Research suggests that many adults rarely cry, and some even describe themselves as “non-criers.” Most people who hold their tears intend to do it for one of three reasons.

1. We were taught crying means weakness
   Many of us grew up hearing things like “don’t cry,” “be strong,” or “keep it together.” I have written myself on the benefits of staying positive, and more recently on all about living well no matter what, with those adorable happy faces. Over time, though, the nervous system can learn,  inadvertently, how to shut down emotion before tears can ever start.
2. We are afraid of losing control
   Some people worry that if they start crying, they won’t be able to stop. So, they hold everything in instead. Research on emotional suppression shows that pushing feelings down can increase stress in the body rather than reduce it.
3. We don’t feel safe enough to let go
   Crying requires a sense of emotional safety. When life feels uncertain, overwhelming, or tense, the body stays in alert mode — and tears don’t come easily.

3 Reasons Crying May Actually Help

Others strongly disagree with the idea that crying is bad for us. In fact, research suggests tears may serve an important psychological and biological purpose.

1. Crying helps calm the nervous system
   Studies suggest emotional crying may activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for recovery and regulation.
2. Crying may release soothing brain chemicals
   Crying has been associated with the release of oxytocin and endorphins, chemicals linked to relief, bonding, and emotional regulation.
3. Crying helps us process emotion instead of storing it
   When feelings are held in, the body stays tense. When feelings move through, people often report feeling clearer, calmer, or more grounded afterward.

What If You Can’t Cry? Try This

I’m lucky — I can cry.

But what if you can’t?
Or what if the feelings are there, but the tears won’t move?

At a Harvard Medical School conference last week, Lisa Miller, Ph.D., led us through an exercise that was surprisingly touching. It wasn’t about forcing emotion. It was about creating the kind of inner safety where emotion can happen.

Take a moment to calm your body and mind. Close your eyes and take a few slow breaths.

Now imagine a table in front of you. This is your table. You may invite anyone who truly has your best interest in mind — living or deceased — to sit with you. These people form your council.

Ask them:
Do you love me?
What do you hear them saying?

Invite your higher self to the table — the part of you beyond what you have or have not done, beyond success or failure.
Ask that part of you:
Do you love me?

Then invite your higher power, whatever that means to you, and ask the same question.

Finally ask:
What do I need to hear right now?

This practice, “Who’s at your table?”, is designed to help people reconnect to a sense of love, support, and meaning that goes deeper than everyday thinking.

Sometimes the tears come.
Sometimes they don’t.

But even when they don’t, something softens.
And that can be healing too.

Making Room for Feeling in a Noisy World

We live in a time when the world feels loud, uncertain, and overwhelming.
It is easy to stay in our heads and never let anything reach our hearts.

But, every once in a while, something breaks through.
A moment.
A memory.
A voice catching in the middle of a sentence.

And when that happens, it may not be weakness.
It may be the nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

Releasing.
Resetting.
Reminding us that we are human.

For help with this or something else, contact me at
weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,
Madelaine 

How Heavy Is It?

Maybe you’ve heard this story. It’s so good. Bears repeating. Here goes…

A professor once held up a glass of water and asked the class that very question.

“Eight ounces?” someone guessed. “Maybe twelve?” another said.

The teacher smiled and replied, “It doesn’t matter how heavy it is. What matters is how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s fine. An hour, my arm will ache. A day, and I’ll collapse. The weight doesn’t change—but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels.”

We’ve all heard versions of this story before—but it bears repeating because every one of us carries invisible glasses of our own. The worries, the deadlines, the what ifs. The longer we hold them, the heavier they feel.

It’s Not What Happens, It’s How We Hold It

Modern science is catching up with that timeless lesson. Stress, it turns out, isn’t just about what happens to us—it’s about how we hold what happens.

The American College of Lifestyle Medicine (2025) defines stress as a whole-body experience involving biology, psychology, and environment. When a challenge arises, hormones like cortisol and adrenaline surge to help us act. But when the “on” switch stays stuck, the system wears down. Chronic stress has been linked to inflammation, sleep problems, depression, and heart disease.

Even more interesting, recent research shows that how we interpret stress can change its impact. People who view stress as a signal to pause, breathe, and regroup recover faster than those who see it as purely harmful. Mindset matters—not just emotionally, but biologically.

Why It Feels Heavier Now

If you’ve felt more tense lately, you’re far from alone. A 2025 Managed Healthcare Executive report found that workplace stress and performance pressure are at record highs. “Nearly one in four young adults now report significant symptoms of burnout, according to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America report.”

Outside of work, families are facing what The Guardian called a “stress crisis” tied to financial, health, and housing insecurity. And our kids and grandkids aren’t immune—student surveys show rising anxiety about everything from grades to global issues.

It’s as if everyone is holding their glass just too long.

What Happens When We Don’t Put the Glass Down

When stress becomes chronic, the nervous system forgets what “safe” feels like. The body stays on high alert—tight muscles, shallow breathing, scattered focus. It’s adaptive for a moment but exhausting over time.

Think of cortisol like caffeine: a little helps you focus; a constant drip leaves you jittery, sleepless, and drained. That’s the allostatic load—the wear and tear the body endures when recovery never happens.

As a psychotherapist and coach, I’ve seen how invisible this load can be. People think they’re fine until one small frustration—the email, the delay, the disagreement—tips them over. It’s not the event that breaks them; it’s the weight of everything they’ve been holding all along.

5 Science-Backed Ways to Lighten the Load

The good news is that stress is one of the most modifiable health risks we face. We can’t avoid all triggers, but we can change how we respond to them.

1. Small Pauses, Big Payoff

The 2025 UCS found that even five-minute “micro-moments” of rest—breathing, stretching, or quiet reflection—significantly improved mood and lowered perceived stress. You don’t need an hour of meditation; one mindful minute, repeated often, counts.

2. Move the Body, Free the Mind

Exercise remains one of the most powerful stress relievers. A brisk walk can lower cortisol within 20 minutes. Don’t think of movement as another task—think of it as emptying the glass a little before it spills.

3. Social Connect

The ACLM now recognizes social connection as a core pillar of stress management. A laugh with a friend, a quick call, or a shared meal all help to regulate hormones through oxytocin and parasympathetic activation.

4. Reframe, Don’t Deny

Pushing stress away doesn’t work—it just lodges deeper. Try naming it instead: This is stress, and my body’s doing its job. That simple acknowledgment engages the thinking brain and restores perspective.

5. Sleep Is Sacred

No amount of coffee can outthink a tired brain. Rest is recovery, not laziness. Quality sleep restores hormonal balance, clears emotional clutter, and lets the body repair the damage stress can cause.

For practical tips, the CDC’s “Managing Stress” guide offers accessible ways to reset during the day. And here is a fav of mine called One-Touch that I have written about before

The Challenge for High-Achievers

Many high-achievers—especially those who care deeply about doing things right—resist rest because it feels unproductive. But rest isn’t idleness; it’s essential maintenance.

When you rest, your nervous system recalibrates. Your thinking sharpens. Your ability to make decisions improves. Your emotional bandwidth returns.
And the problems that felt overwhelming suddenly become workable again.

The Reframe: Stress Isn’t the Villain

What if it’s a message rather than the villain we think it is?

What if it’s a message that Something needs attention. Maybe it’s too much, too fast, or too constant. When we listen, we can adjust. When we ignore it, it only grows louder.

The point isn’t to live a stress-free life—that’s not realistic. The point is to recognize it for what it is: information, not identity.

The weight of the glass, after all, was never the problem. The problem was forgetting or refusing to put it down.

The Real Lesson

Ask yourself: What’s in your glass today?

What thoughts, worries, or responsibilities are you carrying today that you could set down for another day, if not forever?

Take a breath. Stretch your shoulders. Call someone who makes you laugh. Step outside and feel the air. The science is clear: we were never meant to hold everything all the time.

So find something to set down. Rest your arm. You can always pick it back up if and when that’s the right thing to do.

And for help with this or something else contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

To Speak or Not to Speak?

That was the question raised by a lovely, sophisticated physician at a brunch I attended recently.

A medical student she was otherwise quite fond of had said something racist to her, to which she said nothing. Years later, she still wondered if it would have been better had she said something to the student about what the student had said.

I told her that when a neighbor once said something racist to me—using the N-word no less—I responded: “You can’t talk to me like that, and I need you to know that.”

The woman at the brunch looked at me and said, “Oh, I should have said that.”

At that point, I remembered that this was not the first time my neighbor had said something unwelcome, and that on previous occasions my better judgment was not to make an issue of it with her.

After all, it was not like she had asked me to help make a better person of her. But this last occasion exceeded my limits. So, I spoke up.

That’s why when the brunch guest said she should have spoken up because I had, I replied, “Perhaps, but not necessarily. It may be that you were right to hesitate with this student. You seemed to think so at the time. Sometimes it is better to speak; sometimes not.”

That’s the dilemma we all face, which is especially tricky when speaking truth to power, which I have previously written about.

And while there’s no formula that guarantees the “right” choice every time, here are 3 things to consider before you open your mouth.

1. The Impact Test: Will it add value or harm?

Words have power—they can heal, clarify, or inspire. But they can also inflame, confuse, or wound. Research shows that verbal aggression has long-term effects on both relationships and well-being.

Before speaking, ask: Will my words contribute something meaningful here—or will I do harm?

Sometimes silence is not weakness—it’s wisdom. As neuroscientist Ethan Kross notes in his book Chatter, our brains are wired to react quickly, but quick reactions don’t always serve us. A pause can create space to choose impact over impulse.

2. The Timing Test: Is now the right time?

Even important truths can land badly if the moment is wrong. People are more receptive to feedback when they are not in a defensive or emotionally charged state.

In the physician’s case, speaking up in the moment might have triggered defensiveness or hostility, especially given the power dynamics between teacher and student. Waiting, or choosing another venue, may have been wise on her part.

Before speaking, ask: Is this the right time for this message to be heard?

3. The Kindness Test: Can I say it with respect?

It’s not just what we say, but how we say it. Studies show that communication framed with empathy is far more likely to create positive change.

The difference between “That’s unacceptable” and “You may not realize this, but what you said is hurtful” is profound. One closes doors; the other opens possibilities for growth.

I do recall that the tone of my objection to the racist comment was not all that mean, more matter of fact, even if the words I used were not all that sweet. They did shut down the problem, as it never happened again. On the other hand, if relationship building had been important, which it was not, a sweeter delivery might have done a better job.

Before speaking, ask: Can I phrase this in a way that honors my integrity without demeaning the other person?

Final Thought

Speaking and silence are both powerful. Choosing which one to use requires consideration of impact, timing, and kindness. Or as a rule of thumb—True, Kind, Necessary, Beneficial—as the ancient Eastern Philosophers would say.

The physician at brunch wasn’t wrong to stay quiet. I wasn’t wrong to speak up. Both choices were right—for their contexts.

The art lies in knowing that there’s no one-size-fits-all rule. The next time you’re torn between silence and speech, pause, and run through these three tests. You may find that the best answer lies not in always speaking or never speaking—but in discerning when to do which.

For help with this or something else, would love to hear from you at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Photo by Pexels

What do you do when the people you love most seem blind to what matters most to you?

I have written before on the intensifying differences in our lives today. And I write again because I find one of the hardest emotional challenges in life—when we find ourselves on one side of a chasm, staring across at people you once felt completely connected to, and realizing they simply don’t see what you see.

They’re not bad people. In fact, they may be some of the most decent, caring people you know. But when it comes to certain issues—issues you see as urgent or even existential—it’s as if they’re living in another reality. The pain of that disconnection can feel like a quiet heartbreak, over and over again.

This dissonance isn’t new. In fact, psychologists call it selective perception—the brain’s tendency to filter out information that doesn’t match pre-existing beliefs. Ray Nickerson’s research on confirmation bias explains how even reasonable people can completely miss facts that don’t fit their worldview.

Here are five powerful truths that can help you find steadiness in the swirl of emotional complexity when those you love just don’t see the world the way you do.

1. It’s Not Just a Difference of Opinion—It’s a Difference of Reality

Disagreements about where to eat dinner or how to spend a weekend are one thing. But when your loved ones dismiss or minimize something you believe threatens the future, it stops feeling like a simple disagreement and starts to feel like you’re on separate planets.

Cognitive scientist George Lakoff explains that people don’t interpret facts neutrally—we use deeply ingrained metaphors and moral frames. That’s why two people can hear the same story and draw opposite conclusions. If someone sees your concern through a completely different frame, they may literally not register the urgency you feel.

2. The More You Care, the More It Hurts

If we didn’t care about them, it wouldn’t matter what they thought. But love sharpens the pain. Watching someone we care for deeply speak or act in a way that seems dangerously naïve, misinformed, or even hostile to what we value can feel like a form of grief.

Psychologist Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous loss—the kind of grief we feel when someone is physically present but emotionally or psychologically absent in some crucial way. It captures that unique ache of seeing someone you love shift into a worldview you can no longer share.

3. You May Be Right—and Still Be Alone in It

We might see patterns others are missing. We might have done more research. We might feel more connected to history’s warnings. But being right doesn’t always bring connection. In fact, it can isolate.

This echoes what some call the Cassandra complex—the torment of seeing what’s coming but being dismissed. Named after the Greek myth where Cassandra was cursed to see the future but never be believed, it reflects a painful truth: having insight doesn’t always create influence. Sometimes, it just makes us feel lonelier.

4. You Don’t Have to Convince to Stay Connected

Here’s the hard but hopeful truth: We can love people without agreeing with them. We can hold our own perspective firmly and still choose not to argue every point. We can let go of the fantasy that if we just explained it better, they’d finally get it.

In conflict resolution, this is called strategic disengagement. It’s not surrender—it’s a conscious decision to protect the relationship by not needing to win. Holding boundaries with grace is a strength, not a failure.

5. You Can Grieve the Divide Without Losing Yourself

When we realize a loved one doesn’t—and maybe won’t—see the world the way we do, there’s a subtle identity crisis that can follow. Who are we without that shared vision? Can we still belong? Are we safe?

Let yourself grieve that loss. But don’t let it pull you out of your own integrity.

We are still allowed to care deeply, speak clearly, and hold compassion for those who can’t or won’t join us in seeing what we see. Their denial does not invalidate our insight. Their fear does not diminish our clarity.

You are not alone, even if it sometimes feels that way. To discuss this or something else, Contact Me at madelaineweiss.com

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Unsplash

What is Comfort Zone?

Have you been feeling different lately—but can’t quite explain how? You’re not alone. Big things are happening in the world. Some see progress. Others see peril. Maybe you see both. Either way, we’re all feeling it. It’s like the ground is shifting beneath us. And, in the midst of all that motion, it’s natural to reach for what feels steady: our Comfort Zones.

Comfort Zones offer a sense of control, routine, and calm—even if they don’t always inspire joy or growth.

But what is a Comfort Zone, really? And why do we cling to it when the world starts to spin?

… a comfort zone “is a psychological/emotional/behavior construct that defines the routine of our daily life” that “implies familiarity, safety, and security.”

Said another way: 

The comfort zone is a set of typical behaviors, routines, and actions that is familiar.

It consists of your regular habits and routines where you experience low levels of stress and anxiety with the little-to-no risk involved. 

I am going to take exception here to the idea that clinging to comfort is necessarily associated with low levels of stress and anxiety.

The tree wants to grow, the bird wants to fly, and so do we. And it is for this very reason that so many of my clients have come to me, initially, quite stressed and anxious at the thought of spending the rest of their lives that stuck and bored. The devil they know.

But there they are stuck in their routines anyway, because they feel too tired, or scared, or whatever is, to get out.

So, what are some Pros and Cons of hanging out in the zone?

2 Pros of Clinging to the Comfort Zone

1. Energy. As we have said, when resources are low, it can be a good idea to keep some things the same so, for example, we don’t have to waste energy trying to decide which of the 200 different kinds of cereal we are going to eat every day.  

1. Confidence. Being on familiar turf, doing what we know how to do, almost without thinking, can help us feel confident in ourselves and the outcomes we have grown to expect.

2 Cons of Clinging to the Comfort Zone

Yes indeed, on purpose, I am making them the same: Energy and Confidence.

1. Energy. From an earlier post, the father of Flow, Csikszentmihalyi wrote:

“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times . . . The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Makes sense when we consider that Yale study I love so much, which found that optimal learning takes place when we are 70% outside of our comfort zone. The brain really loves how good new learning can feel. Makes us want more, more, more… and gins up the energy we need to keep us moving.

In other words, contrary to popular opinion, perhaps, getting out of the comfort zone can actually give us more energy to spend.

1. Confidence. Although it makes sense that being where we know the ropes, doing things we know how to do, can help us feel confident—there is nothing like going where we never went before, doing what we never did, to create the courage and confidence to do even more.

I know myself that the numbers of experiences outside of my comfort zone (some my idea, some not) have filled me with an incredibly empowered sense of ‘If I could do that, what can’t I do, bring it on’.

That said, one of the first and best things I learned in business school is that humans are rational. If what we are doing does not make sense to someone else, it is only because they have not yet tapped into the level of our thinking on which things do make sense.

This means there is a time and a place for everything, and only each individual can know when it is time to chill, and when it is time to step up and out. 

How to Regulate the Comfort Zone

Click here for a free copy of the Life Satisfaction Matrix, to help you decide which areas of your life you want to leave as is for now and which areas you may want to experiment with outside of your comfort zone.

For the latter, you may Power Breathe to quiet the mind, and see what comes up. I have a rule of thumb that the first time something scary or crazy comes up I park it, and then if it comes back once or twice, I’m in.

You can also treat yourself to 20 Simple Ways You Can Step Out of Your Comfort Zone, which includes the 4 stages we may go through to get from safe to stimulating: Comfort, Fear, Learning, Growth.

Since fear is a predictable part of the process, I often recommend not basing growth choices on whether there is fear, but more on how much the thing that is making us scared is or is not aligned with our life goals, and then on how much fear there is even if it is aligned.

As per The Goldilocks Principle: Not so much that the brain is overwhelmed and shuts down. Not so little that the brain is bored and also shuts down. Not too much. Not too little. But just right to put us on a right track with some movement there.

Here is my pitch for doing one thing just a little scary every day, to enrich and enliven your own well spent life.

Practice, practice, practice… Let us know what you find—and for help with this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

A Simple Act That Stopped Me Cold

Last week, I joined a group effort to pack medical supplies for people in urgent need. It was a simple operation—assembling kits, labeling boxes, lining things up so they could be delivered as efficiently as possible. The room was full of people as still and focused as I was. Since our leaders emphasized the importance of the exactness of the count and precision in packing, this stillness did not surprise me. But what did surprise me was how often I caught myself staring at my hands.

They were just doing what hands do: lifting, folding, placing. But there was something about watching them move—something I couldn’t stop thinking about. It wasn’t just that they were busy. It was that they were being of use.

The Evolutionary Power of Our Hands

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, there’s a lot to make of that.

Our hands are among the most uniquely human parts of us. They’re not just tools; they’re extensions of our will, our emotion, and even our spirit. Evolution gave us opposable thumbs and fine motor control so we could manipulate the world around us—not only to survive, but to create. We use our hands to build shelters, paint murals, cook meals, cradle newborns, and comfort the grieving. In many ways, our hands are how we make our humanity visible.

Wired to Serve, Built to Belong

When we use our hands for service, especially in response to crisis or need, something inside us seems to settle into place. It feels right. It feels true. That’s not accidental; it’s deeply biological.

Evolution favored cooperation and care because those traits helped early humans survive. We are wired to help our group, especially to protect those we see as ours. And when we do that—even in small ways—our brains reward us with a sense of connection, belonging, and meaning.

The Emotional Pulse of Helping

That’s what I felt, packing those supplies.

I felt the heart part, too. The emotional pull. The sense of urgency, tenderness, and connection. These weren’t just boxes—they were lifelines. And while I may not have known the faces of the people receiving them, I could feel a sense of universal humanity. It was as if, through the simple use of my hands, I was reaching across time and distance to say: I see you. I care.

Often, when I’d finish a task and wasn’t sure what to do next—because of language differences—I’d simply stand there with my palms up and open. That simple gesture somehow said everything: I’m here, I’m ready, I’m with you. No words were needed.

There’s something primal about that feeling. Evolutionary psychologists call it “prosocial behavior”—acts of kindness and support that strengthen the bonds between people. And when those acts happen under pressure, they can even become sacred.

How the Brain Finds Meaning in Motion

But perhaps the most fascinating part is what the brain does with all of this.

Our minds are meaning-making machines. They’re constantly watching, interpreting, and building narratives. As I watched my hands move, I realized that something deeper was happening. My brain was writing a story—not just about what I was doing, but about who I was: This is who you are. This is what you’re meant for. This is how you help.

The Sweet Spot: Head, Heart, and Hands Aligned

When action, emotion, and meaning come into alignment like that, we experience what some psychologists call “existential coherence”—a deep inner sense that life makes sense, even just for a moment. And those moments, while often fleeting, can shift something fundamental in us.

We live in a time when it’s easy to feel disconnected. There’s so much noise, distraction, and division. But when we stop, even briefly, to offer our hands—to serve, to comfort, to build—we reconnect not only with others, but with ourselves. Just as I felt when I once, a long time ago, helped build a child’s bedroom via Habitat for Humanity, and just as I feel very Friday morning when I make sandwiches for the hungry, we remember that we are part of something bigger. That our small acts matter. That we matter and so do they.

What We Hold Is Who We Are

In that simple moment—hands moving, heart open, mind still—I touched something ancient, and something profoundly personal: the timeless human need to be of use.

There is more on the power of our hands in my book Getting to G.R.E.A.T.—on how our hands reflect not just what we do, but who we are becoming. Writing this reminded me again: when we engage our hands in service, aligned with our hearts and minds, we come closer to the life we’re meant to live.

Thank you for reading and being part of this journey with me. To discuss this or something else, in the context of your own life, please do not hesitate to contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

What is going on? So many are asking. It reminds me of something someone once told me—that I was much better in a crisis than when things were just swimming along. I’ve evened out emotionally over the years, so I’m not sure if that’s still true. But I do see it in some of my clients right now. Better in a crisis, that is.

First, let’s define crisis. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, it’s “a situation that is extremely difficult or dangerous, when there are many problems.”

I also have a definition from my training: a crisis is when what used to work, doesn’t work anymore. By that definition, many people feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under them—what used to work doesn’t work anymore.

And yet… others are having breakthroughs.

So why is that? Here’s my take—it has to do with locus of control. The more out-of-control things (and our emotional reactions to them) seem, the more some can see where their control does and does not lie.

That clarity can be a very good thing. Here’s how it works (from a piece I posted around the outbreak of the Ukrainian War).

What is Locus of Control?

Locus of control (LOC), first defined by psychologist Julian Rotter in 1966, is our perception of the causes of the events and experiences in our lives.

External LOC is a perception that things are happening to us, that our successes and failures are caused by factors external to us.

People with internal LOC, by contrast, do not think things happen to them by luck or fate.

Rather, they have a sense of ‘agency’. They see themselves in control of whether they succeed or fail in work and life. This means, above all, having control over ourselves—because sometimes we exercise our so called ‘agency’ just to reassure our shaky selves when anxiety rules the day.

Here is an earlier post for that.

But let’s also be clear that, when we say internal LOC, we are not talking about an internalized version of someone else’s ideas for us. It is, rather, that deeper and truer internal voice of our own. 

This does not mean, however, that the voices of valued others are not in the mix along the way of our lives. Scott Mautz distinguishes between “solo-powered” and “solar-powered” to make the point that in-control people draw on the “heat and energy” of others, precisely because they understand it is not possible to control things all by themselves.

Internal versus External LOC

High internal LOC (“There is something I can do”) has been found to exceed external LOC (“It’s all out of my hands”) on a variety of parameters that matter to us. These include: general happiness, healthier lifestyles, less obesity, academic success, greater confidence, and lower stress levels.

Other benefits of high internal LOC include: 136% of employees more likely to love their career, 148% more likely to recommend their company as great to work for, and 113% more likely to give their best effort at work.

As with most if not all human traits, we are all likely somewhere along a continuum with external LOC on one end and internal LOC on the other. Thus, it can be said that we are each, in general, relatively high or low, internal or external, LOC.

Where is Your Locus of Control?

Now you want to know which one you are? Here below is how you can tell whether you are dominant internal or external LOC.

Internal Locus of Control

• • Are more likely to take responsibility for their actions
  • Tend to be less influenced by the opinions of other people
  • Often do better at tasks when they are allowed to work at their own pace
  • Usually, have a strong sense of self-efficacy
  • Tend to work hard to achieve the things they want
  • Feel confident in the face of challenges
  • Tend to be physically healthier
  • Report being happier and more independent
  • Often achieve greater success in the workplace

External Locus of Control

• • Blame outside forces for their circumstances
  • Often credit luck or chance for any successes
  • Don’t believe that they can change their situation through their own efforts
  • Frequently feel hopeless or powerless in the face of difficult situations
  • Are more prone to experiencing learned helplessness

There is a time and a place for everything, including external LOC. Let’s say whatever has gone bad really was outside of your control. Putting all the responsibility on the self, true or not, can damage self-esteem enough to interfere with believing there is anything we can do about anything at all.

How to Regulate Locus of Control

That said, given the benefits of internal LOC, here is a 5-step adaptation of an exercise I found online to help us get more internal LOC when we need it:

 1. Imagine a situation over which you feel you have no control.

2. Make a list of all the things in this situation that you do not control.

3. Make a list of aspects of the situation that you do control. (This list has to be as long as the list of do not’s.)

4. Now, focus on and build on the list of what you can control. Let it inspire you to expand on what else you can control that you might not have realized at the start.

5.  And then, it’s time for action—guided by the Goldilocks Principle. One foot in front of the other. One step at a      time. Not so big they overwhelm and shut us down. Not so small the brain gets bored and checks out. But just right—keeping us moving forward with clarity, focus, and a sense of possibility.

 For help with this or something else, Contact Me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

Photo by Freepik

Love,

Madelaine

Why Spring Clean? Spring isn’t just about warmer weather and blooming flowers—it’s a time of deep-rooted cleaning traditions found in cultures across the world. From Persian Nowruz, where homes are thoroughly cleaned to welcome the new year, to Jewish Passover preparations, where every crumb of leavened bread is removed, to Thailand’s Songkran Festival, where homes are cleaned and water is splashed to symbolize renewal—cleaning in spring has long symbolized a fresh start.

But beyond scouring shelves, scrubbing floors, and splashing water, there are spaces that hold the key to making a delightful difference in your life. Here are four powerful spaces to clean this spring for a major reset.

1. Your Space: Clean Your Environment, Boost Your Energy

Your surroundings shape your focus, mood, and productivity. Whether at home or in the office, a cluttered, dusty space can drain your energy without you even realizing it. This spring, refresh your space with a deep clean and declutter:

✔ Clear high-traffic zones: Tidy up entryways, desks, and surfaces that collect daily clutter.
✔ Deep clean neglected spots: Dust vents, wash windows, and clear out drawers or cabinets.
✔ Simplify and refresh: Donate what you don’t use, improve lighting, and add small touches like plants to create a more inviting space.

Why it matters: A cleaner, more organized environment reduces stress, boosts productivity, and makes every day feel lighter and more focused.

2. Your Digital Space: Declutter Your Devices

If your phone, laptop, or inbox is a mess, it can drain your energy just as much as a cluttered home. This spring, give your digital life its due attention:

✔ Clean up your inbox: Unsubscribe from emails you never read.
✔ Organize your desktop: Sort files into folders and get rid of outdated documents.
✔ Declutter your social media: Unfollow accounts that no longer inspire you and mute the negative.

Why it matters: A cleaner digital space means less mental clutter, fewer distractions, and more focus on what truly matters.

3. Your Social Space: Strengthen the Right Connections

Relationships can be energizing—or draining. Just like your home and inbox, your social circle might need a reset too. This spring, take stock of who and what you’re investing your time in:

✔ Reconnect with people who uplift you: Reach out to old friends or plan quality time with loved ones.
✔ Set boundaries where needed: If certain relationships feel toxic or one-sided, consider limiting the time and energy spent with them.
✔ Clean up your social calendar: Are you overcommitted? Say no to obligations that don’t bring joy or growth.

Why it matters: Your time and energy are valuable—protect them by surrounding yourself with people and activities that align with your values and well-being.

4. Your Mental Space: Let Go of What No Longer Serves You

Spring cleaning isn’t just about externals—it’s about refreshing your mindset too. Take time to:

✔ Reevaluate commitments: Are you saying yes to things that drain you? It’s time to set boundaries.
✔ Let go of negative self-talk: Challenge limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones.
✔ Create a self-care reset: Whether it’s journaling, meditating, or simply taking more mindful breaks, make space for what nourishes you.

Why it matters: Cleaning your mental space creates room for new energy, better habits, and greater clarity in your life.

Final Thoughts: Your Spring Reset Starts Now

By refreshing these four spaces—your environment, your digital world, your social life, and your mind—you’re not just tidying up, you’re creating a better, brighter life with more clarity, energy, and connection. A fresh space, a decluttered digital world, and stronger relationships all support a clear and focused mind—the foundation for lasting wellness.

For a quick, simple, yet powerful way to reset your mindset, try my Power Breathing Exercise—a fast and effective practice to ground yourself and bring fresh energy into everything in your life.

👉 Visit https://madelaineweiss.com/power_breathing/ to get started!

Love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

What is Self-Check?

Sounds like it could be another set of promises to make and not keep. As I have written before, maybe you already know that 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail, 80% of them failing by mid-February, and 64% of us making the same resolutions over and over again every year. Same 5 lbs. every year or whatever it may be for you. 

On the one hand, that should make February, National Self-Check Month, a great time to check in on how we are doing. On the other hand, who are we kidding, given all the broken promises already made? Why wouldn’t self-check become just another set of those?

Those broken promises are expensive because there is something about not being able to count on ourselves that shapes our lives. For one thing, it is harder to leap beyond our comfort zones to reach for something new and amazing when we are not even sure we can count on ourselves to see things through.

So what is self-check? And how can it help? Let’s hear it from Joan Peckolick, who founded the non-profit, Self Chec:

…using emotional connections to help save precious lives by raising awareness of the importance of early detection and preventative actions that help keep us healthy from cancer, heart disease, diabetes and obesity; chronic diseases that often, unnecessarily take the lives of some of our loved ones much too early.

Peckolick’s goal is to empower people to:

• Take control of their own health
• Reduce health risks that are often preventable or treatable
• Facilitate healthy habits and conversations
• Confront difficult health subjects for themselves and loved ones

Self-check is a little catchier than the self-care we hear so much about, but neither is all that new.

Socrates and Self-Check

Surprisingly, self-care dates back to Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher often regarded as the father of Western philosophy. While “self-care” may seem like a modern buzzword tied to bubble baths and mindfulness apps, Socrates had a much deeper perspective. He believed in the importance of knowing oneself, famously declaring, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

For Socrates, self-care was not about indulgence but about cultivating a thoughtful and virtuous life. He encouraged individuals to nurture their inner world, reflect on their actions, and align their lives with higher principles of wisdom and goodness.

This ancient approach to self-care reminds us that taking care of ourselves goes beyond physical well-being—it’s also about tending to the mind and soul, something that resonates just as powerfully today as it did thousands of years ago—especially in such trying times for so many.

Although Peckolick’s emphasis appears more on physical health, she does emphasize the importance of our relationships in helping to keep us well, which is a point I would also like to expand upon.

The 3 Tips (Expanded)

Peckolick and National Day Calendar founded National Self-Check Month in 2018, with tips on how to observe:

1. Do some exercise

Exercising is a great form of self-care. It is of absolute importance that people of different ages engage in some form of exercise.

2. Maintain a healthy diet

Eat healthily. More than half of the illnesses that befall us can be prevented or controlled by simply eating healthy and maintaining a healthy diet.

3. Share health concerns with family

When you have concerns regarding your health, particularly if you already live with a chronic illness, it serves you best to share these concerns with family (and your doctor too). Don’t keep it to yourself.

Numbers 1 and 2 speak for themselves, so it is number 3 that I would like to expand upon, i.e., inviting other people into our lives.

In “The Anti-Social Century,” Derek Thompson explores the deepening loneliness in American life, touching on findings from U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s “Epidemic of Loneliness” report that links social isolation to serious health risks. Loneliness isn’t just an emotional struggle—it’s a physical one, too. Murthy points out that the health risks of chronic loneliness are as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Being socially disconnected is associated with higher risks of heart disease, stroke, and even premature death.

Thompson reflects on how the erosion of in-person connections—like fewer meals shared with friends or less time spent in community spaces—affects not only our emotional well-being but also our resilience and capacity to thrive. Studies show that people with strong social networks are more likely to live longer, handle stress better, and maintain cognitive health as they age.

Taking time to nurture relationships, whether through small gatherings, or simply reaching out to a friend, can act as a self-check for both your physical and emotional health. Connection isn’t just nice to have—it is essential to living well.

For help with this or something else, contact me at weissmadelaine@gmail.com

With love,

Madelaine

Photo by Freepik

What if fear, instead of being your enemy—or your protector at best—could be your Energizer Battery this January?

January can feel like a weird in-between time. The holiday buzz has faded, maybe the weather is dreary, and many people are left staring at the daunting resolutions they’ve written down—or worse, completely avoided. It’s the perfect recipe for the January blahs.

But what if you gave yourself the gift of fear this year instead of trying to power through with useless resolutions? Yes, fear. The kind that transports you out of your comfort zone. The kind that makes your heart race and reminds you that you’re alive.

What’s So Good About Fear?

Fear is not your enemy—it’s your magic carpet. Sure, it protects you from danger. But it also shows up when you’re on the edge of growth, signaling that you’re being transported into new and uncharted territory. While our instincts often tell us to retreat, the magic lies in doing the opposite: leaning in.

Facing challenges head-on rewires your brain to see fear more as an invitation than a stop sign. The result? Confidence, resilience, and a renewed sense of excitement. Even small acts of courage—speaking up in a meeting, trying something new, or reaching out to someone—can spark this transformation.

Magic Carpet. Energizer Battery. Or, some other way to think about it that works best for you. Studies show that facing fears directly has benefits:

1. Keeps you safe.
2. Helps you lose weight.
3. Temporarily boosts immune system.
4. Feeling fear—in the right dose—is fun and exciting.
5. Gives you a natural high and a sense of empowerment.
6. Helps you manage stress and relaxes you.
7. Helps you stay in the present moment and to focus.
8. Socializes you and bonds you to other people.
9. Allows you to live life to the fullest.
10. Gives you clarity on what’s really important in life.

The Problem with January Resolutions

Every January, we’re inundated with messages about resolutions: “New Year, New You!”

Okay, maybe that was harsh. And while setting goals can be helpful, resolutions often come with an all-or-nothing mindset. Miss one gym session or indulge in one dessert, and suddenly, you feel like a failure.

Here’s a surprising statistic: only 8% of people successfully stick to their New Year’s resolutions. That means 92% of us are left feeling frustrated and defeated by February. Instead of striving for perfection, what if you focused on curiosity and growth instead?

This year, trade in resolutions for a practice that’s kinder, more flexible, and far more energizing: doing one scary thing every day.

The Gift of Fear: A Newer Approach

Here’s how it works: each day, identify one action that makes your heart race a little. It doesn’t have to be monumental—just enough to challenge you. Whether it’s tackling a difficult conversation, signing up for a class you’ve been avoiding, or even exploring a new hiking trail, the key is to stretch yourself in small, manageable ways.

When you do this consistently, something amazing happens. You start to break free from monotony, discover new parts of yourself, and feel truly alive.

Before diving into something scary, remember that it’s okay to take a little time—for the ready and set—in ready, set, go. Not a lot of time. Not forever time. But an amount of time you designate to ready and set yourself for the leap.

And then just do it. Leap!

Practical Tip: Start with a “Fear List”

For this practice, try creating a Fear List. Write down five small, slightly intimidating actions you’ve been avoiding. Rank them from least to most scary. Start with the smallest one, and commit to tackling it at a certain time, on a certain day. Not when you feel like it. Rather, at a time you designate whether you feel like it or not.

Promise made. Promise kept. Trust me when I tell you how empowering and uplifting it can be to know that you can count on you!

Here are some examples:

1. Try a new recipe that looks a bit tricky.
2. Email a mentor or colleague to express gratitude.
3. Speak up in a group discussion or meeting.
4. Explore a local class or event you’ve been curious about.
5. Set boundaries in a relationship or say “no” when it feels right.

Crushing January, One Step at a Time

Fear can be the spark that ignites your energy and ambition. Treat fear as a gift—one that nudges you toward growth—and you’ll discover a new way to approach the year ahead, and maybe even, happily, the rest of your life.

Are you ready? Ready, Set, Go?  Visit my website at madelaineweiss.com for more inspiration and resources to help you embrace your boldest, brightest self—or, to talk with me directly, click HERE.

Lots of Love for the New Year,

Madelaine