Maybe someday the lines between ‘man and machine’ will be so entirely blurred that a platform like Zoom could become Time’s Person of the Year.
Zoom is an extension of the Human Social Brain that has, so far in this crisis, played a major role in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief. There is grieving for actual loved ones for so many people, and grieving for life as we knew it for all.
Stages of grief can be messy. They can overlap, or we can move along, then an anniversary happens, and we are set back. Still the generality is useful, so let’s see how this applies to Corona, Zoom, and Us.
Five Stages of Grief
Denial: In this phase of our present catastrophe, people could use Zoom to deny that how we are with each other — or even if we are with each other — is now to a large extent out of our control.
Anger: In this phase, we can Zoom to vent about how pissed off we are about this for me, and that for you. From why won’t those people wear masks to why do we have to wear them at all. Basically, it boils down to two, three, four or more people Zooming about ‘Why is this happening and who can we blame?’
Bargaining: Bargaining can be when we contact the people we have been dissing to arrange a Zoom call. Not necessarily conscious, we are bargaining that, if we are nice now, and promise to be nice from now on, maybe we will be spared. I even found myself thinking, “Take me so my children will be spared.” Consciously ridiculous. Likely the two are not related. But there it was.
Depression: In depression, Zooming continues but not with the same gusto. People show up late, leave early, some groups fall apart. Zoom just isn’t doing it. Nothing is. Nothing can. Who knows what will become of us? Who knows when this will end? And you may be getting sick of talking about it. Just don’t have the energy right now.
Acceptance: Unclear how many Zoomers have made it here by now. For those who have, and those who will, I suspect Zooming will continue—but not as much, maybe not as much fun, and maybe not as much just for fun either. After all, we get it now, in this phase. Is what it is. And, frankly, what’s so great about getting to Acceptance of something this bad? What good comes of that?
Sixth Stage of Grief: Meaning
Well, turns out something very good can come of that, after that. In Harvard Business Review article, “That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief.” we learn about a Sixth Stage of Grief.
Foremost grief expert, David Kessler, got permission from the Kübler-Ross family to add a stage after Acceptance, which he calls Meaning.
Thank you, Dr. Kessler. I love this. In my course, Crisis Coping 101, we talk about Must DOs, Can DOs, Don’t DOs, and New DOs, with the emphasis on New DOs—because new or renewed meaning is exactly what so many people came to me searching for—even before Corona began.
Now there is time. Now there is space. Now there is forced opportunity to find new or renewed meaning like never before.
Go there—on your own, with a friend or family member, a colleague, a coach… But go there, see what happens, and please let me know what you think in the comments below.
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