The findings…when they repeatedly gave to others the participants’ happiness did not decline, and the joy they felt from giving to others on the fifth day was just as strong as on the first day. In contrast, participants who spent money on themselves reported a steady decline in happiness over the five-day period.

In times of crisis, like right now for sure, one way or another, we all have to cope. But different people cope differently. A lot of it is knee jerk, from the reptilian brain. Like hoarding supplies: ‘The rest of the world be damned.  We’re playing Survival now.’ That’s one way to look at things, deeply wired in our primitive brains.

But we are wired for something else too, which is to care for each other. Not entirely unselfish. Back in the day, when our modern brains were forming, those who gave the most were in the best standing in the community, which gave them the best access to resources, including the best care for themselves, and their kin.

Naturally, the more stressed we are, the lower in the brain we go to cope. But if we can pause often enough and well enough to kick things upstairs to the higher brain, (find instructions on quick and easy “Power Breathing” in “Complimentary” box on website madelaineweiss.com), there is something really nice waiting for us there.

And that is the joy in giving, even in and especially in the worst of times. Again, basic instinct might be to focus on the self, but more and more people are getting that giving to others gets a better result—for our own well-being and the community at large.

Living in a building with a Trader Joe’s in it, I’m feeling pretty well provisioned through this crisis so far. So, when my daughter wanted to put something on the patio for her self-isolating mother, I struggled to come up with anything I needed. Okay fine, how about canned tuna, doesn’t go bad. I did this for her, so she could do something for her mother that she could feel good about.

Lo and behold, she showed up with tuna, and lettuce, and figs, and chocolates, and trash bags, and nuts, bags of nuts…  She knows I love nuts.  She showed up with love. Not only that, her dear friend, whom I’ve known for years, did the actual shopping for the tuna and lettuce, so there was love all around.

A dear friend of mine is in the hospital in Madrid with Corona. For whatever it’s worth, I am sending him love every day in a text. I hope that my caring for him means something to him. I know that it means the world to me. 

I am also volunteering to provide first responder support, and putting together a “Crisis Coping 101” webinar for that all important social connection amid all of the distancing—plus resources and tips for Do’s and Dont’s on how we can help ourselves and each other right now.

Is there someone you can do something for? Is there someone to whom you can send love, no matter what form it takes, no matter how big or how small?

Practice, practice, practice, see what happens, and would love to hear from you in comments below.