Not Diet and Exercise? How about Optimism and Service. Wait, you’ll see…
Table of Contents
About Optimism
Bah Humbug, said the psychologist who sent me research on Optimism and Longevity this week.
More and more psychologists are complaining about something called “Toxic Positivity.” From an earlier post:
Just this week, someone said twice in one exchange, “Enjoy the beautiful day.” Not a one-off; more a pattern of communication for this awkwardly upbeat individual. Toxic Positivity? Considering I had just said that I was feeling heavy hearted about Ukraine, perhaps. Or at least that’s what it felt like.
I actually did not want to “enjoy the beautiful day,” no matter how many times this person told me to. All I wanted was to feel what I felt, which was profoundly sad…
So, what is it? Here is a definition from VeryWell Mind:
Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach to life. And while there are benefits to being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity instead rejects difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade.
That said, Optimism may be defined as “the fundamental belief that things are going to work out even when they’re not going according to plan.“
And, “there are science-backed benefits to Optimism done well, over and above diet and exercise, which only accounted for “less than a quarter of the optimism-lifespan association in the study.”
Benefits of Optimism
Some benefits of Optimism include:
That sounds good. And, for the best story on the power of positive thinking that I’ve heard in a long time, treat yourself to this little video clip on Thomas Edison and his mother! Makes me cry every time I watch it.
But some would say the whole Optimism, Positive Psychology… movement is a little me, me, me.
Service to Others, on the other hand, does us good too, but is clearly, by its very nature, not all about us. So, let’s go there.
About Service
Philosophy’s main ingredient. Here is a story about that.
A long time ago, I attended a weeklong philosophy exercise at a most magnificent compound. Everything was positively gorgeous; the grounds, the lake, the marble interiors, the people, the teachings, the flowers and organic vegan food arranged like artwork in bursts of color that made me gasp the first time I entered the dining room.
Their profound love of beauty in all things—their very insistence on it—seemed so foreign to me. I thought beauty was something you either did or didn’t have and, if you did, well then everyone else resented you for it.
“Life is what our thoughts make it” (Marcus Aurelius). All of a sudden, beauty became a universal virtue and necessity in a way that I never experienced before. So was Service.
This week was filled with some of the hardest work that I have ever done: gardening, cooking, loading/unloading a commercial sized dishwasher in a steam filled room—rolling up, taking off the porch, shaking out, then rolling up again and putting back onto the porch, numbers of massive oriental rugs.
And yet, from some of the most brilliant, big hearted and funny doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, social workers, information technologists, physicists, economists and just plain good company I have ever met—I fell in love with Service—both for how it made me feel and the good it did for others.
Tolstoy said, “We love people not so much for the good they’ve done us, as for the good we’ve done them.”
Maybe you’ve already realized for yourself how good it feels to know you’ve done good for someone other than yourself
That’s one big benefit. Here are some others.
Benefits of Service
The benefits of Service to Others are well documented in Trzeciak and Mazzarelli’s new book, WONDER DRUG; 7 Scientifically Proven Ways That Serving Others Is the Best Medicine for Yourself.
– Physical health
– Mental health
– Emotional Well-Being
– Happiness and Fulfillment
– Professional Success
– Buffers Chronic Stress
– Counters Chronic Inflammation
– Longer Life
– Better Heart Health
– Pain Relief
– Better Cognitive Function
– Less Depression
– Better Relationships
– I THINK I’LL STOP HERE.
The authors also want us to know that there are essentially no side effects. Okay fine, you say, but it sounds hard.
Do I have to quit my job and sell all my belongings, you may ask? No, you don’t.
How to Get Started. Is it Hard?
As with most changes in our daily routines and ways of being, whether it be Optimism or Service, it may feel awkward or even hard, only in the beginning. But it’s okay. You Got This.
For the more Optimism challenged among us, here is a FANTASTIC VIDEO CLIP on why we are all wired more for negative than positive habitual thinking.
Exercises to build Optimism may be found here and here, and include things like how to do a warmup for your mind in the morning and cooldown for your mind at night.
For Service, Trzeciak and Mazzarelli recommend starting small. Think Goldilocks principle. Not so much that it overwhelms, but not so little that you feel no impact nor benefit at all.
Just enough to get you started on the road to the happier, healthier, prosperous, and productive life Optimism and Service can provide.
Consider listening, really listening, with a more open heart and mind, to someone who may have a political view different from yours. Our full attention is one of the greatest gifts we can provide to another. Or maybe there is a neighbor who could use a helping hand from time to time, or someone at work.
One last point here, though. The science says that motivation matters. Service for strategic or selfish reasons alone won’t work.
I didn’t hear them say ‘fake it ’til you make it’, but I think I am going to say it myself but, again, only at the beginning, as a kick-start. This way, even if you may not be feeling particularly Service Oriented at the start, with a little actual experience under your belt before too long you just might.
In other words, if you are not already practicing Optimism and Service—Try it You Might Like It—and let us know what you find.
Warmly,
Madelaine
Excellent message, thanks.
Thanks, Ron. Guessing you do it all!