The Times
…troubled for sure. But then there was a break in the clouds. I am pretty sure I saw the national guard and protestors doing the Makarena together the other night. The other thing I know is that some people are actually happier now than before Covid. Examples: One successful businessman used the Covid Pause to figure out how to operationalize his life-long dream to develop economically disadvantaged communities. A woman, bored to death at work before Covid, is now filled with hope and a series of interviews for the job of her dreams. Another dared to go for a big promotion during Covid and got it. And another finally took the plunge and got 2 new job offers, with promotions in much better industry alignment for him.
Oh, and an engaged woman reluctant to marry, huddled up with the man she loves, realized how much she cherishes her good fortune with him. They will marry next month in a courthouse, with a big celebration to follow at a later, better time. Another couple just bought a new house to pack full of family and friends when the clouds pass. And, some parents are finding that their children are stronger, happier, better behaved, and better focused, now that things have slowed down.
Meanwhile, over 110,000 have died of Covid, over 40 million became unemployed and, again, there was the violent death of George Floyd that rocked the nation and the world. Not the best of times. Possibly the worst in our lifetimes, if not in all of modern history. And yet there is hope.
So there is a kind of cognitive dissonance. How is it okay to be happy while so many suffer? Maybe we should hide it, just keep it to ourselves. Not so fast. One study found that people who hid their positive emotions actually wound up with higher levels of depression and lower levels of well-being as time went by. That makes sense. Therefore what?
Coming Out
Little by little some people are beginning to admit that they are happy, but timidly at best. It just doesn’t seem right to be happy right now. And yet it is—because when we come out with our positive emotions, we are healthier and, when we are healthier, we are generally happier and, when we are happier, we are generally kinder to others and to ourselves. It’s a good thing that, done with sensitivity, can lift the spirits, the health, and well-being of all around.
One client wondered aloud if this whole thing was some kind of cosmic lesson to help us value what matters in a way that brings us joy and peace that we can share. This does not mean that we do not also feel and share in sadness where and when we find that too.
As a philosophy tutor of mine once put it, “You know, Madelaine, it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time.” A simple truth that I have lived in full for decades now. For one reason or another, happy and sad at the same time. Especially now.
So when you notice that happiness comes your way, why not pause to catch it, to let it soak in, and to pass it on with good care.
Practice, practice, practice…see what happens, and let us know in comments below.
Warm wishes, stay safe, and help yourself to free exercises in “Complimentary…” box at madelaineweiss.com
Madelaine
Excellent points. I would agree that it seems that in some ways by slowing down enough all of the other “busy” things can just by the wayside. Those other things that have kept me very busy just no longer “have” to be done and in fact I realize I no longer want to do them. So done with the busy-ness of the world. I that way I do agree. If that means happiness well then ok.
Thx for weighing in, Judy. Nicely put. I see at the end of your comment, you kind of say ok to happiness. Hope it becomes more and more okay for us all. Makes the world a warmer place, even and especially as we also struggle.
This piece is spot-on. I particularly liked two points: (1). one can be happy and sad at the same time; and (2) there are some positives that will come from the social isolation and those are worth embracing. This is akin to realizing that there are some positive qualities traumatized people gain from their trauma — maybe not worth the price of admission but positives nonetheless. By way of example, hypervigilance lets you read a room, sense if an audience is following you, anticipate the feelings of others and get the dynamics of a business negotiation…..
You are so right, Karen. I read once that some little girls learn to read a room because – since no one was telling them what was going on – they had to. Likely I am one of them, as I can feel energy shift, which turns out to be a big plus in my work. Thank you for your contribution and reminder.
This reminds me of the ancient wisdom that “this too shall pass,” which was supposedly an inscription on the ring of King Solomon and also was recalled by Beatle George Harrison in his album “All Things Must Mass.” That is, troubles and troubled times will occur, and things pass from good to bad and back in endless repetition. But your enduring self of Who You Are, your soul or ideals and faith, should remain constant and steadfast and even appreciative of all the World and God’s Creation has to offer, in spite of the surrounding turbulence. It may seem like an insensitivity to the pain of Others or even Yourself so it appears a paradox or even wrong. But it is really being able to remain steadfast with a sense of enduring purpose for your own self in troubled times, who you want to be and would want for others, and hopefully as a symbol, reminder, beacon of hope, encouragement to others that is sustaining, inspiring and replenishing.
Beautiful, Steven. Thank you! The Advaita Vedantists call it a “still point,” a way to stand and center for all amid the natural chaos you describe.
Thanks Madelaine,
Just what I needed today! I was feeling the sadness and your article reminded me to feel all the happiness and blessings at the same time. It’s not an either/or!