Impostorism Now

Maybe lockdown got you thinking about a pivot. Maybe it’s something you always wanted to do. Maybe it’s a new way to do what you are already doing. Maybe it’s something that never even crossed your mind. And maybe you are not moving on it at all, or not very much.

Sure, there are plenty of ready-made excuses right now. But you don’t buy them. Deep down you know you don’t. This brings me to the point of one of the best articles I have read in a long time: Clancy Martin’s Imposter Syndrome: Do you sometimes feel like a fraud?

Why do so many of my clients feel that no matter how good they are, they are not good enough. Impostorism. Even though they have proven their ability many times over, still they are filled with doubt about whether they will measure up.

I think it happened to me without my even knowing it. Twice. Can you even believe that I turned down an actual acceptance to Harvard for a PhD, telling myself that it would be too hard on my family. Well then, why did I even apply in the first place? And, surely there are lots of women who would have gone and made it work, including the woman I am today.

And then, when it was time for business school, an esteemed Harvard Business School professor told my equally esteemed father-in-law, “Tell her to apply, we are looking for people like her.” I might have been shoo-in and did not even apply.

Causes of Impostorism

Martin writes that early family dynamics and sex role stereotypes have resulted in many high achieving women feeling like impostors. He says this applies to ethnic minorities as well. And, for men and women, there is something about surpassing one’s parents—or I would add not surpassing one’s parents—that can make one feel like a fraud.

He talks about how hard it is to reality test performance in the intangible service professions of today, and how comparisons with inflated Facebook posts are not helping either.

Do look at the article if you think it might apply to you or someone you love. After I read it, all of a sudden, I thought, “OMG. OMG. I did have humble beginnings, and I was a girl. Maybe the truth is that I did not think I belonged at Harvard; certainly not for a PhD, an MBA, or anything of the kind.”

And maybe I thought they made a mistake, just as the author said. I do remember when the distinguished professor called my home to tell me that I got accepted. I replied, “Oh come on, who is this, that’s not funny, cut it out.” True story.

In any case, the kids turned out great, and I went into other programs anyway. So, hard to know for sure, but chances are I could have made at least one of those programs work. I did make it up to myself a little bit with 2 clinical training internships through the Harvard system. I also worked there for 13 years, and have taken continuing education courses there, too many to count. And I absolutely love my work!

But that’s not the point. Martin’s point, if I read him right, is that there are so many reasons for us to doubt ourselves that we might worry more about the people who don’t. As in, what kind of arrogance or departure from reality does it take for someone not to doubt whether they have what it takes to succeed where they have never been before.

Therefore What?

Now, if you have read any of my other posts, you know exactly where this is going. And that is, now that we know how common Impostorism is, all we have to do is make sure that doubt does not decide—anything.

For the important decisions in our life, we want the higher brain in charge. So, when doubt comes, that’s okay, but then we breathe to kick the decision upstairs. If you haven’t already, get your Power Breathing exercise from the “Complimentary…” box pulldown at https://madelaineweiss.com

Practice, practice, practice…see what happens, let me know, and stay safe,

Warm wishes,

Madelaine