What Gets Me.
I’m pretty good with uncertainty so that’s not what gets me. I’m guessing that my 2004 flesh eating disease, with 10 trips to the OR, never knowing if I’d be coming out with 1 or 2 arms, or coming out at all, cured me of that. What does get to me right now is the people out and about who are breaking all the pandemic rules.
I spent a childhood quarantined for saying whatever I want, so how come they get to do whatever they want, putting other people at risk, way worse than anything I ever said or did. Why would they even want to?
On the other hand, if I’m honest with myself, have to say that what I am feeling is tainted with envy (how come they get to…) and I like to think I’m better than that. So, I’m working on that, name it and tame it, while the rest of most everyone else is working on how to deal with this absurd uncertainty we all face.
What Gets A Lot of Other People.
We always knew there was no such thing as 100% certainty, but this is ridiculous. We have this crazy out of control virus; a sinking, soaring, sinking soaring…stock market; a seemingly irresolvable election looming; and California, Oregon, and Washington State are on fire. Really?
“When does this end?” In so many words, and exactly these words, these are the words out of the mouths of almost everyone I have spoken with recently. They all know full well that there is no way to know when any of this ends—nor what’s coming next.
So, a lot of people are anxious, depressed, and exhausted; worrying day and night about what to do about work, school, the kids, the in-laws, how to meet expenses, when to get a flu shot… On and on it goes, you name it. And they are mad, really, really mad. Hence the “When does this end?”
Getting the Hang of Uncertainty.
I’m going with “It doesn’t” and, so far, no one has fired me for saying it. What I mean by that is that I believe our best shot is to get the hang of uncertainty like never before. Now more than ever, we have to step outside of when this does or doesn’t end, and it may even do us all some good.
Here is my July 28 post on The Upside of Uncertainty. And, I would also like to call your attention to Christie Aschwanden’s 9/12/20 article in the Washington Post on “Uncertainty fuels anxiety…” because she makes a point I really like.
Aschwanden says that we often associate uncertainty with ‘danger’ when we could be associating it with ‘acceptance’ or ‘challenge’ instead. I’m thinking the little engine that could instead of chicken little with the sky falling on his head. But alas, we are wired to be on the lookout for danger because that’s what’s kept us alive.
If something good was coming down the pike and our ancestors missed it, too bad. If something bad was coming down the pike, like a saber-toothed tiger, and they missed it, they were lunch. So the ones who were better at spotting danger lived to make more babies and here we all are.
But it doesn’t have to be that way now. Darwin said that the highest phase of moral development is when we realize we should control our own thoughts. Okay fine, not all of our thoughts. The mind wanders around 70% of the time. So no, not controlling all of our thoughts. But it is possible to build newer, more rational, and more useful habits of the mind. If we want to, yes we can. We. Can. Do. This.
Specifically…
So what if we each noticed exactly what happens (symptoms) when we get triggered by things we can’t control; too much food, too much drink, lethargy, insomnia, blaming others, blaming oneself… Some people tell me that they are simply crying a lot.
But when we can see our own symptom for what it is, fear of uncertainty or whatever it is, what if we just name it uncertainty or whatever it is—then associate it with words like acceptance or challenge, and a full throated yes we can.
Neurons that fire together wire together until they become our new default. That’s how this works. Practice, practice, practice…see what happens and let us know in the comments below.
Warm wishes,
Madelaine
Once again, this post is especially poignant and pertinent to the moment, so thank you for articulating it. I also know that uncertainty breeds not only fear, rage , and anxiety, but also sometimes conflict. But I do recall your good advice, too, that uncertainty and conflict are natural, not abnormal, and conflict accompanying uncertainty is important and can be “positive” as spotlighting an opportunity for change, as you suggest. It works best if that can be done respectfully and peacefully even if forcefully and candidly (rather than “stridently” or “insensitively”), recognized earlier rather than later, and with attention to process and content to make better and better informed decisions and plans.
Great input, thank you, Steven. Especially re conflict. People’s nerves are fried with all this adaptation to change, and so easy to get on each other’s nerves, especially when opportunities for rejuvenating space have practically vanished. On the other hand, nothing we can’t handle with, as you say, early enough attention so whatever it is doesn’t take on a life of its own. Thanks again!