Who Does It?

Some more than others for sure—but humans do lie. At a conference on Lying, everyone was asked to raise their hands if they had lied in the past 2 weeks. I did not raise my hand. Almost everyone else did. Then they asked how many had lied that day, same thing. Horrified, I wanted to run out of the room.

Now, I might be lying to myself that I don’t lie. What is more likely is that, because I was tucked in at night, let’s say indoctrinated, with “honesty is the best policy,” it upsets me more than most, so I try harder not ever to do it.

Or this could mean that I have more “Unethical Amnesia” than most. Hope not. Doesn’t sound good. So what is it? Why is it there, what harm can it do, and what can we do about it?

What Is It?

From Harvard Business School’s Gino and Kouchaki, who cite recent studies indicating that cheaters not only forget the details of what they did bad, but are also, therefore, more like to do it again: 

“UNETHICAL AMNESIA IS A SELF-DEFENSE MECHANISM THAT PEOPLE USE TO ALLEVIATE THE DISSONANCE THEY EXPERIENCE AFTER THEY ACT DISHONESTLY.”

In plainer English, this means that we tend to forget the details of things we did bad, like lying. We are trying to match up who we are and who we think we should be. One way to do that is to forget the gory details and convince ourselves that our behavior was good, even if it was bad.

As Robert Wright explains in The Moral Animal, we are all designed to think we’re good, until and unless we get exposed and then we get defensive. Again, some more than others, but still. 

And we do this because, back in the day when our modern brains were being formed, reputation mattered. Those in good standing were more likely to have greater access to resources and to be taken care of when need be. So, at work, at home, wherever we may roam…we have reasons to want to look good, too often to a fault—because trust matters too. Too much lying to look good also makes us look bad.

So What Can We Do?

One thing that has been recommended by Gino and Kouchaki is that we reflect at the end of each day on how we did with our behavior that day. Holding ourselves responsible in this way will make the forgetting harder, potentially upping the odds that we will do better next time. 

I, for one, am going to keep a better eye on things to make sure I’m not deluding myself about what a good girl I am. And You? If you care to, please join me, and let us know what you think in the comments below.

Warm wishes,

Madelaine