Rest in peace Notorious RBG. That said (and deeply felt)…today I want to tell you about a problem I’m having with something else—an article slamming social media, especially Zoom.
Last week I was in a Zoom mtg breakout group that was supposed to discuss the disadvantages of meeting by Zoom—but all that 2 of us could talk about was how much we loved it!
For one thing, I used to have to get up at 5am for this monthly meeting, early enough to walk the puppy, get ready to get out the door and make it to this meeting on time. As I live in the city without a car it was more complicated than it sounds.
Honestly, I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Plus, now I actually get to see everyone’s faces responding to what is being said when before, as we sat next to or behind the others in the room, I could never see who was rolling their eyes or nodding off.
So when some of the other people in our group, and McSchraefel’s article on “Why Our Hungry Screens Leave Us Hungry for More Nutritious Forms of Social Interaction,” go on about how you can’t get the personal vibe on Zoom, I just have to say I am sorry, I don’t agree.
For work I use VSEE, the same HIPAA compliant video platform that NASA uses, and can absolutely still feel the energy shift for my clients when one of us says something that nails it for them. And there are those precious moments when we tear up together at the sheer joy or poignancy of it all.
Probably it has more to do with what kind of attention we are paying to the other person in the first place. We all know how easy it is for the mind to wander away from the other person, in-person too.
One of the other participants in our group insisted sadly, head hung low sadly, that his business had fallen off because his sales depended on human connection that he considered impossible by Zoom. And yet, I happen to know someone else in the same business who told me recently that he is having the best year of his career by Zoom.
In the words of Marcus Aurelius, “Life is what our thoughts make it.” But thoughts are not facts, and we all have to watch out for our own self-limiting thoughts. So for now, I am enjoying the thing. I am enjoying videoconferencing with family, friends, clients, colleagues, and lovely people I have never met before. My hope is that the monthly group, and others like it, can go on forever in some hybrid format that suits us all when things let up, an idea I already pitched.
But there is more to social media than Zoom meetings, and some of the rest of it really is scary. If you haven’t already, check out “Social Dilemma” on Netflix. Here you will get a better education than you may want on how the rest of social media is contributing to, if not causing, terrible things. These include mental illness and suicide rates among our children, increased polarization and breakdown of democracy in our culture—at least in part by way of what the virtually unregulated internet knows about what to put in our individual newsfeeds.
I’m pretty good at resisting extreme polarization, but I realize I could use some work with the phone. Way too often I check my phone for no good reason whatsoever, just for the fun of it, as if it is an addiction, which studies suggest that it is. I am going to fix that. And I know how. Just put it over there where I can’t reach it when I am watching the news, meditating, cooking, eating, exercising, sleeping, zooming, reading, writing… All there is to it. Boom. Done. I. AM. IN. CHARGE.
Once I attended an interfaith meeting at Harvard. The Hindu Swami gave a fantastic talk about how sometimes we have to show ourselves that we are in charge. So, for example, if you can’t imagine starting your day without coffee, take a week off, just to show the body or the coffee who’s in charge.
The “Social Dilemma” movie talked about how technology can bring us closer to utopia or dystopia, depending on who’s in charge, the human or the machines. I’m going to show myself and my phone who is in charge. You can too, if you care to. You can pick something for yourself, practice, practice, practice, and let us know what you find.
Warm wishes,
Madelaine
Great piece!
Thank you for comment, Jill. Appreciate that you appreciate!
My first zoom classes were held this month and I was fearful of them. Too artificial, I thought. But after four sessions, although I still think it artificial, I agree with Madelaine that there are some positives, not the convenience so much as seeing everyone throughout the session and the politeness of “un-muting” and taking your turn to talk.
Thank you for writing, Ann. Good to see you here,and am glad you took that plunge, as you are yourself. Last night on a call I looked at a mile long Sanskrit word and declared out loud that i would not be able to say it, ever. Then I figured out how to break it down into chunks and by golly I can do it. I think I can. I think I can. Remember, the little engine that could. And when we do, science says the brain loves it and wants more. Learning and growing and doing new things. What fun!
Zoom has allowed me to keep in touch with friends in other cities in a way I just couldn’t even with Facetime. It allowed me to throw for a surprise party for my wife. Alright, not the best way to maintain human contact in normal times but right now, with the virus keeping us in, it’s a gift.
Thanks so much for your comment, Chesnick. And now that we are talking about it, I do notice too that I don’t zoom with just anyone. Wonder if that’s a way of creating a new kind of ‘specialness’. After all, we wouldn’t have coffee with just anyone either. Interesting…how the mind finds ways to make distinctions
I’m a socially avoidant type, I guess, and going to meetings used to be the bane of my existence, although ironically in some magnificent display of masochism I managed to get myself involved in endless organizations with meetings (also seemingly endless). I agree that Zoom saves some travel time (and traffic jams and parking costs for those of us with cars). But there are downsides. I actually conduct some meetings myself, and last week I had a woman attending who was making pancakes throughout and attending to a 5 year old, even while I made my most astute comments! Also, this has freed up too much time for people to write emails that clutter my inbox. Thank you for letting me vent. Sincerely (Ha-Ha) Misanthrope “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,” etc., etc.
Yes, I’ve seen what you describe. And, I’ve also seen hosts shut it down in a variety of ways, mostly polite. Some host would rather ignore than address, but then we’ve seen people do distracting things in in-person meetings too. I once sat next to a man at a conference who did envelope sealing for a mass mailing through the whole meeting, as if somehow no one would mind. Either way, there can be distractions.
Loved this piece Madelaine, I also saw the movie and it was an eye opener and got me thinking about how much I am attached to my phone and computer.
Hi Ana, thx for checking in. Yes, the world appears to be divided into 2 kinds of people: the ones who know they are hooked on their phone and computer and the ones who don’t yet!